By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

For many men who struggle with sexual addiction, feelings of shame and self-loathing are overwhelming. It's common to believe that something is inherently wrong with you—that you are "broken" or, worse, a "pervert." After working with sexually addicted men for over 24 years, I can assure you that this is not the case. You are not broken; rather, you are facing a deep and complex issue that requires compassion, understanding, and courage to address.

Sexual addiction often stems from what we call an intimacy attachment disorder. This means that, beneath the surface, there are often emotional wounds, unmet needs, or past traumas that have gone unresolved. These deep-seated issues contribute to the compulsive behaviors associated with sexual addiction. For many men, pornography or other sexually addictive behaviors become a way to soothe emotional pain, escape from stress, or seek a sense of connection that feels otherwise unattainable.

In my years of practice, I have seen that sexual addiction is not about deviant desires or moral failings. It is a maladaptive coping mechanism. The men I’ve worked with are often emotionally wounded, carrying unresolved pain from childhood or past relationships. This pain drives a cycle of isolation and shame, further entrenching the addictive behavior. Understanding this root cause is essential to breaking free from the cycle. It isn’t simply a matter of willpower or moral fortitude. It’s about healing from the inside out.

Addressing sexual addiction requires immense courage. It means confronting not just the addiction itself but the underlying emotional wounds that may have been buried for years. This process can be daunting, and many men avoid seeking help because they fear judgment or believe their addiction is too shameful to reveal. But here’s the truth: seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It’s the first step toward reclaiming control over your life and restoring healthy intimacy and connection with others.

Professional therapy and coaching play a critical role in this healing journey. Therapists trained in sexual addiction recovery understand that addiction is often linked to trauma or emotional neglect. They help clients uncover these roots, providing tools to rebuild healthy emotional and relational connections. Therapy is not about condemning or judging; it's about creating a safe space for healing.

Working with specialists such as Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSATs) or coaches trained in intimacy disorders can be life-changing. Through years of research and clinical experience, professionals like Patrick Carnes and Mark Laaser have developed evidence-based programs to help men recover from sexual addiction. These programs focus not only on stopping the addictive behavior but also on healing the emotional and relational wounds at the core of the addiction.

Recovery is possible. While the journey may be challenging, it is filled with hope and opportunity. You have the strength within you to confront this issue. If you are willing to seek help and commit to the process, you can heal from the wounds that drive the addiction and rebuild a fulfilling, connected life.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.