By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

The Need for Connection and the Prevalence of Pornography

Pornography use remains a persistent issue affecting both men and women, including those in faith communities. According to Ingraham and Sisneros (2025), 78% of Christian men and 44% of Christian women report some level of pornography use. Alarmingly, 84% of porn users admit they have no one helping them avoid the behavior. This reality emphasizes the loneliness and isolation often surrounding sexual struggles, particularly when individuals lack safe, supportive relationships.

The roots of pornography addiction are rarely about sex alone. Instead, they often involve deeper emotional dynamics, particularly around unmet attachment needs. As Ingraham and Sisneros (2025) noted, “Children are born with innate needs for attachment. Attachment drives are the longings and yearnings for connection throughout the lifespan. The longings persist until satisfied through correctional healthy relationships.” This observation aligns with foundational insights from pioneers in addiction recovery such as Patrick Carnes and Kevin Skinner, who have long identified attachment wounds as central to the formation of addictive behaviors.

Educational Strategies

Understanding the science of attachment provides a roadmap for healing. Clients who struggle with sexualized attachments frequently experienced a lack of early attunement or repair in important relationships. Ingraham and Sisneros (2025) emphasized that “early attunement shapes the brain,” highlighting the role of developmental experiences in shaping how individuals seek and interpret relational intimacy.

In cases of sexualized attachments, clients often try to meet deep relational needs through sexual behavior. However, as Ingraham and Sisneros (2025) stated, “deep attachments need to be met in non-sexual ways.” This distinction is critical for clients and clinicians alike. Re-educating clients to identify their longings for connection, and guiding them toward healthy, non-sexual sources of intimacy, fosters emotional resilience and long-term recovery.

Educational programs that incorporate these principles—such as those offered by iitap and SASH—help clients build emotional literacy, recognize attachment patterns, and develop relational tools necessary for meaningful connection. Psychoeducation around attachment theory and interpersonal neurobiology empowers clients to rewrite their internal narratives and create space for corrective experiences.

The Role of Therapeutic and Coaching Interventions

Therapists and coaches play a vital role in the recovery journey. “Be present with your clients; attuned,” Ingraham and Sisneros (2025) advised. Clients with sexualized attachments need more than insight; they need emotional presence and consistency. Many have never had the experience of being truly seen and accepted in their most vulnerable state.

Treatment must be paced with patience and an understanding that “clients with attachment deficits need us for the long-haul” (Ingraham & Sisneros, 2025). Healing occurs not in a single breakthrough, but in repeated moments of connection and trust over time.

Professionals should also help clients explore the desire at the core of their addiction. “We all want to be desired without being consumed or devoured. Desire is core to human experience” (Ingraham & Sisneros, 2025). When clients feel safe to explore their desires without shame or judgment, they can begin to separate the need for intimacy from compulsive sexual behaviors.

Recovery involves building relationships where healthy attachment can form and flourish. Using strategies from Kevin Skinner or Patrick Carnes—such as trauma-informed care, group therapy, and relapse prevention planning—can further support long-term transformation.

Recovery Is Possible

Recovery from pornography addiction and sexualized attachments is not only possible, it is deeply human. When clients are given space to explore their needs, understand their histories, and engage in authentic relationships, they begin to rewrite their attachment patterns. Healing occurs through connection, attunement, and the slow work of being present with another human being.

Therapists, coaches, and mentors can become vital sources of healing by offering what was once missing: consistent, safe, non-sexual connection. With time and support, clients learn to meet their deep relational needs in healthier ways, opening the door to a more integrated and fulfilled life.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com

References

Ingraham, M., & Sisneros, R. (2025, September). Healing Sexualized Attachments: The Application of Attachment and Interpersonal Neurobiology in the Treatment of Sexual Issues in Women. AACC 2025 Track Lecture. Nashville; Gaylord Opryland Resort & Convention Center.