By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

The Awakening That Comes with Sobriety

Men struggling with pornography addiction often believe their primary issue is simply excessive sexual behavior. However, once they enter recovery and achieve sobriety, they begin to see that their compulsive pornography use was masking deeper emotional and psychological wounds. As Weiss and Schneider (2015) explain, "For most cybersex addicts, their sexual acting out history has long masked underlying psychological conditions such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and unresolved trauma. Without constant sex or romantic intrigue as a distraction, these conditions may now manifest as unbearable loneliness, neediness, anger, fear or unhappiness" (p. 134).

The Emotional Turmoil Beneath the Addiction

As men step away from pornography and compulsive sexual behaviors, they often experience a flood of emotions they had previously suppressed. Feelings of inadequacy, rejection, and unresolved childhood wounds rise to the surface, leaving them vulnerable. Many describe a sense of emptiness or longing for an idealized relationship they fear they will never attain. Weiss and Schneider (2015) capture this sentiment, stating, "You may long for some relationship you fear you will never have, or feel as if there is something missing that you can never find or locate" (p. 134). This phase can be unsettling, as the distractions of pornography are no longer available to numb these emotions.

Addressing the Root Causes of Addiction

Recognizing these deeper issues is a crucial step in the recovery process. Rather than seeing pornography addiction as merely a bad habit, men in recovery begin to understand it as a coping mechanism for unresolved emotional pain. Professionals like John Hinson and Eric Schultz emphasize the need to explore these root causes through therapy, group support, and self-exploration. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), trauma-informed care, and attachment-based therapy are particularly effective in helping men process these deeper wounds.

Building a New Foundation for Healing

As men in recovery gain clarity about their underlying emotional struggles, they can begin to address them in a healthier way. Developing strong, supportive relationships, practicing emotional regulation techniques, and engaging in personal growth activities all contribute to long-term healing. Therapeutic strategies such as mindfulness, journaling, and guided self-reflection can help men navigate the emotional discomfort that arises in sobriety.

Recovery from pornography addiction is about much more than stopping a behavior—it’s about uncovering the emotional pain that fueled the addiction in the first place. As difficult as this process can be, it ultimately leads to a deeper sense of self-awareness, emotional healing, and the ability to build meaningful and fulfilling relationships.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.

References

Weiss, R., & Schneider, J. (2015). Always turned on: Sex addiction in the digital age. Gentle Path Press.