By Dr. Floyd Godfrey
Low self-esteem remains a central issue for many individuals navigating emotional health concerns, from anxiety to depression. It not only affects personal fulfillment but also limits one’s ability to form healthy relationships and take productive action. Dr. David Burns, a leader in cognitive therapy, has made significant contributions to our understanding of how distorted thinking perpetuates these struggles. In his influential book Ten Days to Self-Esteem, Burns (1999) identifies several cognitive patterns that erode self-confidence. Among them, three are particularly damaging: jumping to conclusions, using “should” statements, and emotional reasoning.
Jumping to Conclusions
This cognitive distortion involves making negative assumptions without supporting evidence. Burns (1999) explains, “Jumping to conclusions: You conclude things are bad without any definite evidence. Mind reading: You assume that people are reacting negatively to you. Fortune-telling: You predict that things will turn out badly” (p. 50). These mental shortcuts often feel true in the moment, yet they are based on speculation rather than fact. For example, someone might believe, “She didn’t text me back—she must be mad at me,” or “I’m definitely going to fail this interview.” These thoughts activate anxiety and reinforce self-doubt, often becoming self-fulfilling prophecies. Therapists help clients challenge these conclusions by asking them to consider alternative explanations and wait for objective evidence before reacting.
Should Statements and Self-Criticism
Many individuals with low self-esteem hold themselves and others to impossible standards. Burns (1999) highlights this as another form of distorted thinking: “Should statements: You criticize yourself or other people with 'shoulds,' 'shouldn’ts,' 'musts,' 'oughts,' and 'have-tos'” (p. 50). These internal rules create a rigid framework that often leads to guilt, frustration, or resentment. Common examples include, “I should always be productive,” “I must never fail,” or “Others ought to treat me better.” When reality doesn’t match these expectations, individuals often turn that disappointment inward, reinforcing the belief that they are flawed. Replacing “should” with more flexible language—such as “I’d prefer,” “I hope to,” or “It would be helpful if”—can empower clients to aim high without the added pressure of perfectionism.
Emotional Reasoning and False Conclusions
Emotional reasoning is particularly deceptive because it feels inherently valid. According to Burns (1999), “Emotional reasoning: You reason from how you feel: ‘I feel like an idiot, so I must be one’” (p. 50). This distortion leads people to treat their feelings as evidence of truth. When someone feels unworthy, they may conclude they are unworthy, even if all other signs suggest otherwise. Emotional reasoning blurs the line between subjective experience and objective reality, which can perpetuate cycles of shame and helplessness. Therapy often focuses on helping clients separate feeling from fact, allowing them to observe emotions without being ruled by them.
Educational Strategies
Helping clients recognize these distortions is the first step toward meaningful change. Cognitive-behavioral interventions often include thought records or self-monitoring logs where individuals track distorted thoughts and practice reframing them. Psychoeducational workshops and reading materials like Burns’ Ten Days to Self-Esteem provide foundational knowledge that empowers clients to confront their thinking habits.
The Role of Therapeutic Intervention
Professional support is essential for guiding clients through the process of cognitive restructuring. Therapists, coaches, and counselors play a key role in helping individuals identify how their distorted thoughts originated—often from past trauma, familial expectations, or negative reinforcement. Through empathy and skillful questioning, clinicians help clients replace old patterns with healthier, more adaptive thought processes. As self-awareness grows, so does a sense of internal stability and confidence.
Restoring self-esteem is a journey of mental clarity and emotional healing. By identifying and challenging the thoughts that distort reality, individuals can rebuild a self-concept based on truth rather than fear. With time, patience, and therapeutic support, clients can reclaim their worth and live with greater purpose and resilience.
Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Certified Mental Health Coach and has been guiding clients since 2000. He currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about his services please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.
References
Burns, D. D. (1999). Ten days to self-esteem. Quill.
