By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

Over the past 24 years, I have worked closely with men and teenage clients who grapple with addiction to pornography. Watching their struggles has deepened my understanding of the unique difficulties that arise in trying to overcome this issue. Pornography addiction profoundly affects not just individuals, but also their relationships, mental health, and self-esteem. Despite their earnest efforts to break free, many make common, detrimental mistakes that often sabotage their recovery. Recognizing and addressing these pitfalls can be a powerful step toward more effective healing and freedom from the hold of pornography addiction.

Relying Solely on Willpower

One of the most common mistakes I see in clients is relying exclusively on willpower to resist urges. Both men and teens often believe that determination alone will be enough to overcome cravings or that they can simply "outlast" the urge. However, addiction operates far deeper than just desire or discipline. It affects the brain’s reward centers, creating habitual pathways that are difficult to break without structured strategies. When clients rely solely on willpower, they often end up feeling defeated, assuming their inability to resist indicates personal weakness. Effective recovery instead demands a strategic approach that incorporates behavioral techniques, accountability, and support systems designed to reshape how the brain responds to triggers.

Underestimating the Impact of Triggers

Another pitfall clients encounter is a lack of awareness around the concept of triggers—situations, environments, or emotions that stir the desire to engage with pornography. Many overlook the powerful role of these triggers, underestimating how everyday encounters, such as scrolling on social media, boredom, or stress, can lead to relapses. Rather than taking steps to identify and manage these triggers, clients often attempt to carry on with “business as usual,” which leaves them vulnerable. A more effective approach involves pinpointing and addressing these triggers, learning to respond differently to them, and developing healthier coping mechanisms to manage underlying emotions or situations.

Attempting to Handle It Alone

Many clients, especially men, resist asking for help due to feelings of shame or fear of judgment. They often keep their struggle hidden, believing they should be able to overcome the addiction independently. For teenagers, this secrecy is compounded by fear of disappointing parents or guardians. However, isolation generally exacerbates addiction, as it limits opportunities for support, encouragement, and accountability. Those who attempt to tackle pornography addiction alone are often unable to gain the critical insights that a professional therapist or a trusted support group can provide. Recovery groups and therapy sessions are designed to break down the secrecy and allow clients to realize they are not alone in their struggles. Understanding that others have faced similar challenges can create a sense of hope and community that drives meaningful change.

Falling into All-or-Nothing Thinking

The "all-or-nothing" mindset is another frequent trap for men and teens dealing with pornography addiction. This thinking often means that any slip-up, no matter how small, is seen as total failure, leading individuals to give up on recovery efforts altogether. This perfectionist outlook can make minor setbacks feel like insurmountable obstacles, creating a cycle of guilt, shame, and relapse. Recovery is a journey with ups and downs, and setbacks are often part of the process. Encouraging clients to view each step as progress, regardless of occasional missteps, helps them sustain motivation and resilience over time.

Using Internet Filters as the Sole Solution

Many well-intentioned parents, and even individuals themselves, turn to internet filters as a primary defense against pornography. While filters can be a useful part of a recovery strategy, they do not address the underlying issues that fuel addiction. Clients quickly learn ways to bypass these controls, or they may shift their addiction to other behaviors or platforms that aren’t blocked. Filters alone do not equip individuals with the skills needed to process difficult emotions, deal with boredom, or confront stressors that may trigger their addiction. Instead, filters should be integrated as part of a comprehensive plan that includes emotional regulation techniques, behavioral interventions, and accountability measures.

Ignoring Underlying Emotional Issues

Often, addiction to pornography is not the core issue, but rather a symptom of unresolved emotional difficulties such as anxiety, loneliness, or low self-esteem. Clients sometimes approach recovery with the aim of simply stopping the behavior without examining the underlying emotions that drive it. Ignoring these root causes often leads to short-lived success followed by relapse, as they have not addressed the reasons that brought them to this addiction. Addressing these emotional components through counseling or therapy can lead to a more holistic and sustainable recovery process, one that tackles both the behavior and the emotional factors that contribute to it.

Conclusion

The journey to overcome pornography addiction is challenging, especially when men and teens make these common mistakes. By moving beyond willpower alone, acknowledging and managing triggers, seeking support, avoiding perfectionism, integrating practical tools beyond internet filters, and addressing underlying emotional issues, individuals can find a clearer path to recovery. While these challenges are real, effective strategies and support systems can make all the difference, offering the potential for genuine healing and freedom from addiction.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD, is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD, please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com