By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

Preoccupation is a critical phase in the sexual addiction cycle that reflects the psychological grip of this behavior on individuals. In this phase, individuals experience a deep and obsessive focus on sexual thoughts or behaviors, which often escalates into a trancelike state. This cycle, described by Carnes et al. (2001), reveals how addicts lose self-control, becoming "hostages of their own preoccupation" (p. 45). The emotional and physiological changes during preoccupation not only disconnect individuals from their values but also propel them toward further stages of the addiction cycle.

The Trancelike Nature of Preoccupation

Patrick Carnes aptly compares the intensity of preoccupation to "the intense passion of courtship" (2001, p. 45). Unlike fleeting sexual thoughts common to many individuals, preoccupation in sex addiction carries a "quality of desperation that interferes with work, relaxation, and even sleep" (Carnes et al., 2001, p. 45). This phase is not merely about sexual attraction but rather a relentless cognitive loop that dominates the mind, creating a psychological environment where normal functioning is severely disrupted.

During this phase, sexual arousal intensifies as addicts enter an "obsessive trance," altering their mood and generating a physical rush as "adrenaline speeds up the body's functioning" (Carnes et al., 2001, p. 45). This heightened state mirrors the physiological responses found in other addictions, where the anticipation of a reward triggers an intense euphoric response. Such metabolic changes solidify the addictive behavior by temporarily masking underlying pain or distress.

Escaping Emotional Pain

Preoccupation serves a dual purpose in the cycle of sexual addiction: it intensifies excitement while also numbing emotional pain. According to Carnes, "Preoccupation effectively buries the personal pain of remorse or regret" (2001, p. 45). For many addicts, this trance-like state offers relief even before acting on their impulses. The mere thought of engaging in sexual behaviors can provide a sense of escape, demonstrating how mental preoccupation functions as both a coping mechanism and a gateway to the next phase of the cycle.

Pressure Building Toward Action

While preoccupation might offer temporary solace, it also builds internal pressure. Carnes et al. (2001) describe how "their excitement-seeking parallels preoccupation found in other addictions" (p. 45), illustrating how sexual addiction aligns with broader patterns of addictive behavior. This relentless pursuit of arousal creates a cyclical trap, where the addict becomes increasingly fixated on satisfying their urges. Inevitably, the mounting tension will lead to the next phase of the addiction cycle—ritualization and acting out—perpetuating the destructive patterns of addiction.

Strategies for Breaking the Cycle

Breaking free from the trancelike grip of preoccupation requires a combination of awareness, therapeutic intervention, and support. Education about the addiction cycle can empower individuals to recognize preoccupation as a warning sign rather than an inevitable path to acting out. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness techniques can help addicts disrupt obsessive thinking patterns, while therapeutic approaches like those developed by Carnes emphasize healing the emotional pain driving the addiction.

Sex addiction professionals and mental health coaches play a crucial role in guiding individuals through recovery. By addressing the emotional, psychological, and physiological components of preoccupation, they help addicts regain self-control and develop healthier coping strategies.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com

References
Carnes, P., Carnes, S., & Morrow, C. (2001). Facing the shadow: Starting sexual and relationship recovery. Hazelden Publishing.