By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

In my work as a sex addiction counselor, I have seen firsthand the devastating effects that intimate betrayal can have on couples. When someone in a committed relationship struggles with sexual addiction, their actions often lead to feelings of deep betrayal in their partner. This sense of betrayal runs so deep that it often triggers symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in the betrayed partner. To address this trauma and begin the process of healing, counselors are trained to guide couples through disclosure sessions—a pivotal step in recovery.

Understanding Intimate Betrayal

Intimate betrayal occurs when a person violates the core trust and emotional bond in a relationship, often through secretive and compulsive sexual behaviors. Whether the betrayal is due to pornography, infidelity, or other sexual behaviors, the emotional aftermath is profound. The partner who discovers the betrayal often experiences shock, anger, confusion, and emotional distress. These feelings are intensified when the betrayed partner realizes the depth and length of time the behavior has persisted. Betrayed partners often describe feeling as though their entire reality has been shattered, which is why many therapists, including myself, recognize the trauma in these situations.

Disclosure Sessions: A Vital Step in Recovery

One of the most critical tools in repairing a relationship impacted by sexual addiction is the disclosure session. These sessions are carefully planned meetings where the partner struggling with sexual addiction shares the full scope of their behaviors with their spouse. The goal of a disclosure session is to allow the betrayed partner to hear the truth in a safe, controlled environment, which enables them to begin processing the reality of the situation. Caution is necessary because disclosure information can reopen wounds or generate new trauma. A spouse must be prepared with grounding techniques. However, the data-dump of a disclosure will help the spouse to determine future choices.

As a counselor, preparing a couple for this session is delicate work. It involves guiding the person with the addiction through a process of accountability, ensuring they are ready to be completely honest and transparent. On the other side, it is equally essential to prepare the betrayed partner emotionally, offering them support and resources to manage the difficult emotions that arise. Disclosure, when done correctly, is not about causing additional harm but about starting the healing process through honesty and empathy.

The Stages of Recovery for Sex Addicts

Sex addiction recovery follows a multi-stage process, much like the recovery from other addictions. In the early stages, addicts must first acknowledge their problem and the extent of the damage it has caused. This often comes after the disclosure session, which brings to light the impact their addiction has had on their partner and relationship. Once the truth is out, the individual enters into an active recovery phase, which involves regular therapy, addiction education, and often a commitment to a 12-step program.

As the recovery process continues, individuals learn to develop healthier coping mechanisms, manage triggers, and rebuild their self-esteem without relying on addictive behaviors. The final stage of recovery is focused on maintaining long-term sobriety and repairing relationships. This is where the disclosure session plays a key role, allowing for the couple to begin rebuilding trust as they move forward.

PTSD and the Impact on Betrayed Partners

For the betrayed partner, the emotional fallout from discovering their spouse’s sexual addiction often mirrors PTSD. They may experience flashbacks, hypervigilance, avoidance behaviors, and emotional numbness. In many cases, they also develop a sense of self-blame, questioning how they could have missed the signs or why they were not “enough” for their partner. This emotional turmoil requires specialized treatment, often involving trauma therapy and support groups to process the betrayal.

I emphasize that the recovery of the betrayed partner is just as important as the recovery of the person with the addiction. Both parties in the relationship need healing, and it is essential to approach this from a trauma-informed perspective. By recognizing the deep emotional wounds of the betrayed partner, counselors can help both individuals work through their pain and move toward a healthier, more authentic relationship.

Sex addiction and intimate betrayal are incredibly challenging experiences for couples, but recovery is possible. Through careful guidance in disclosure sessions and the stages of recovery, there is hope for healing and rebuilding trust.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.