By Dr. Floyd Godfrey

Friendship and accountability for Christian men battling pornography addiction

Overcoming addiction, especially pornography addiction, can feel like an overwhelming and isolating journey. But God did not create us to fight these battles alone. One of the most powerful tools God has given us in this struggle is friendship—authentic, Christ-centered friendship that reflects His grace, truth, and accountability.

The writer of Proverbs reminds us, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17, NIV). This simple, powerful image communicates the idea that when godly men walk in deep relationship, they refine each other. They call each other higher. They challenge each other to grow. This sharpening doesn’t come through casual acquaintance—it happens in the context of consistent, intentional, and vulnerable friendship.

Cultivating Deep Friendship

In The Friendship Factor, Alan Loy McGinnis (2004) writes, “Deep friendship requires cultivation over the years—evenings before the fire, long walks together, and lots of time for talk” (p. 24). These words are especially relevant to the journey of healing. Real friendship does not happen by accident. It takes time, effort, and mutual commitment. When a man opens up about his struggle with pornography, what he often needs most is not just a sermon or a strategy—but a safe place to be known and loved.

Healing from pornography addiction is a deeply spiritual and emotional process. Shame often isolates the struggler, convincing him that no one would understand, and that if others knew the truth, they would walk away. But when we begin to share our burdens with a faithful friend, healing begins. As James 5:16 encourages, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Vulnerability in friendship becomes a doorway to freedom.

Relationships: Our Most Valuable Commodity

McGinnis (2004) also warns, “If our relationships are the most valuable commodity we can own in this world, one would expect that everyone everywhere would assign friendship highest priority. But for many, it does not even figure in their list of goals” (p. 25). In our fast-paced, individualistic culture, it’s easy to neglect meaningful relationships. And in Christian communities, men are often encouraged to be strong and stoic, which can make admitting a struggle feel like weakness.

But the truth is, we were never meant to fight temptation alone. Even Jesus surrounded Himself with close friends. He wept with them, ate with them, prayed with them. If the Son of God needed community, how much more do we? Friendship is not just a luxury—it’s a necessity for those walking through addiction recovery.

Iron Sharpens Iron: Accountability with Grace

Real friendships offer accountability—not in a harsh, condemning way, but with grace and truth. A trusted friend can ask the hard questions: “How are you doing this week?” “What are your triggers?” “Are you letting Jesus into your places of pain?” When spoken in love, these questions invite growth and provide a lifeline during weak moments.

Friendship in recovery should not just focus on the struggle—it should also celebrate progress, pray through setbacks, and encourage deeper connection with Christ. Healthy friendship reflects the love of God, reminding the struggler that he is not alone, and that his identity is not defined by his past.

Creating a Culture of Brotherhood

In our homes, churches, and small groups, we need to create a culture where deep friendships can grow. This might mean forming men’s groups, accountability partnerships, or mentorship programs. It may mean simply making time for coffee, a walk, or a quiet evening where two brothers in Christ can speak honestly and pray for one another. Addiction thrives in darkness, but friendship brings things into the light. And in the light, healing begins.

Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Board Certified Christian Counselor and has facilitated groups within different churches and denominations over the past 30 years. He worked as a licensed clinician for 23 years and provided supervision and training for other counselors as they worked toward independent licensure. You can read more about Floyd Godfrey PhD at www.FloydGodfrey.com.

References
McGinnis, A. L. (2004). The friendship factor: How to get closer to the people you care for. Augsburg ; Alban.