By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

When betrayal trauma strikes due to a loved one’s sexual addiction, it can leave you disoriented, shattered, and uncertain about the future. One of the most difficult but essential steps in this journey is the process of healthy disclosure—a moment when your partner reveals the full truth of their hidden behaviors. While it’s undeniably painful, healthy disclosure lays the groundwork for genuine healing and rebuilding trust.

Disclosures, as Schneider and Corley (2012) explain, “come in all forms; some are done with integrity and some are done in the worst way possible” (p. 25). A well-facilitated disclosure prioritizes honesty, empathy, and structure, ensuring both parties have the support they need. Despite the turmoil it may bring, such disclosure is a necessary bridge to recovery for both partners.

The Emotional Landscape of Disclosure
As a partner, the revelations you face during disclosure are deeply personal and often devastating. Schneider and Corley (2012) observe that “it is safe to say that all revelations are painful and difficult for everyone, but probably hardest on you. You will receive information that may reinforce your suspicions, be a total shock, be more than you even wanted to know, or will leave you wanting to know more” (p. 25).

This overwhelming experience is compounded by the years of secrecy or denial that likely preceded it. Without the proper tools and guidance, the disclosure process can lead to retraumatization rather than healing. It’s essential that both you and your partner approach this process with the help of trained professionals, such as therapists or certified sex addiction specialists, who can create a structured, safe environment for these conversations.

Educational Strategies to Navigate Disclosure
Understanding the purpose and process of disclosure can empower you to navigate it more effectively. Healthy disclosure is not simply about revealing the truth but doing so in a way that promotes understanding and healing. Key elements include:

1. Professional Facilitation: A trained therapist helps guide the disclosure, ensuring boundaries are respected and emotional safety is maintained.
2. Preparation: Both you and your partner should be prepared emotionally and mentally, which often includes pre-disclosure counseling sessions.
3. Honesty: Full transparency is crucial for moving forward. Partial or manipulated disclosures risk further damaging trust.

Schneider and Corley (2012) note that “most partners and addicts (over 90% in our study) report they are glad the disclosure happened” (p. 25). This statistic underscores that, despite the pain, disclosure fosters clarity and can become a turning point in the healing process.

Therapeutic and Coaching Interventions
Therapeutic interventions provide critical support for both you and your partner before, during, and after disclosure. For the betraying partner, therapy helps them confront their addiction and develop accountability. For you, it creates space to process the revelations and begin healing from betrayal trauma.

Coaches and therapists often use evidence-based methods to ensure the disclosure process is structured and beneficial. Tools such as impact statements, timelines, and therapeutic feedback loops can help you feel heard and validated throughout this journey.

Moving Forward After Disclosure
While disclosure marks a painful chapter, it also represents a new beginning. It’s an opportunity to rebuild a relationship grounded in honesty, accountability, and mutual respect. Whether or not you choose to stay in the relationship, the process allows you to take back your agency and chart a path toward healing.

As challenging as it is, healthy disclosure is a crucial step in overcoming the wounds of betrayal trauma. By prioritizing integrity, professional guidance, and empathy, you and your partner can begin a journey of restoration—whether individually or together.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.