Floyd Godfrey, PhDBy Floyd Godfrey, PhD
When addressing betrayal trauma, especially in relationships where addiction is involved, the initial therapeutic focus is crucial. Many counselors, however, make the mistake of delving too quickly into a partner’s family of origin issues or childhood trauma without first addressing the immediate crisis at hand. This approach can inadvertently exacerbate the situation, leading to further relational damage instead of the healing and resolution that both partners seek. It is essential to understand that crisis resolution must be the primary focus in the early stages of therapy for betrayal trauma.
Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal trauma occurs when someone experiences a profound violation of trust, often within the context of a romantic relationship. This can happen when a partner discovers their significant other has engaged in behaviors such as infidelity or addiction, leading to a deep sense of betrayal and emotional turmoil. The trauma is not just about the specific act of betrayal but also about the shattering of trust, safety, and the very foundation of the relationship.
In the immediate aftermath of discovering a betrayal, partners often experience intense emotional reactions, including shock, anger, confusion, and despair. These emotions can be overwhelming and destabilizing, leaving the individual in a state of crisis. It is during this critical period that the role of the therapist is to help stabilize the partner's emotional state before moving on to deeper, long-term issues.
The Mistake of Focusing on Family of Origin or Childhood Trauma Too Soon
Many well-meaning counselors fall into the trap of prematurely addressing underlying issues such as family of origin dynamics or unresolved childhood trauma when working with clients experiencing betrayal trauma. While these factors are undoubtedly important and can play a significant role in the individual's overall emotional health, they are not the most pressing concerns during the initial phase of betrayal trauma therapy.
Addressing these deeper issues too early in the therapeutic process can be likened to putting the "cart before the horse." When a partner is in crisis, they are often not in a mental or emotional state to process complex, long-standing issues. They need immediate support to manage the acute emotional distress they are experiencing. Attempting to tackle family of origin or childhood trauma during this vulnerable period can overwhelm the partner, potentially leading to a breakdown in the therapeutic process and even contributing to the destruction of the relationship they are desperately trying to save.
The Importance of Crisis Resolution
In the prodependence model, the initial focus of therapy is on stabilizing the partner’s emotional state and helping them navigate the immediate crisis. As Weiss and Buck (2022) explain, “The interventions and skills employed in the Prodependence model are intended to help stabilize the client’s crisis responses and create an environment for continued healing and growth, and this improvement should be apparent over time” (p. 118). This quote highlights the importance of addressing the immediate emotional needs of the partner before delving into deeper psychological issues.
Crisis resolution in betrayal trauma therapy involves several key components. First, it is essential to validate the partner's feelings of betrayal and acknowledge the pain they are experiencing. This validation helps to establish trust between the therapist and the client and sets the stage for further therapeutic work. Next, the therapist should focus on providing practical tools and strategies to help the partner manage their emotional responses and begin the process of healing. This might include teaching coping mechanisms for dealing with anxiety, depression, or anger, as well as helping the partner establish a support network.
The Role of Ongoing Support
Once the immediate crisis has been stabilized, the therapist can then gradually begin to explore deeper issues such as family of origin dynamics or unresolved childhood trauma, if appropriate. However, these topics should only be addressed once the partner has developed the emotional resilience and stability needed to process them effectively.
The prodependence model emphasizes that ongoing support is crucial for both the partner and the relationship as a whole. The therapeutic journey is not about forcing rapid change or uncovering every psychological wound at once. Instead, it is about creating a safe and supportive environment where healing can occur naturally over time. By prioritizing crisis resolution in the early stages of therapy, counselors can help partners navigate the immediate aftermath of betrayal and lay the groundwork for deeper healing and recovery in the future.
Educational Strategies
Therapists working with clients experiencing betrayal trauma should be mindful of the importance of crisis resolution. Educational strategies might include training on how to identify when a client is in crisis and how to prioritize interventions that stabilize the emotional state. Workshops and continued education focusing on the prodependence model can provide therapists with the tools they need to offer effective, compassionate support during this critical phase of therapy.
The Role of Therapeutic and Coaching Interventions
Incorporating therapeutic interventions that emphasize crisis resolution is essential for therapists and coaches working with betrayal trauma. These interventions should focus on helping clients manage their immediate emotional responses, develop coping strategies, and build a support network. By addressing the crisis first, therapists can ensure that the client is in a better position to engage in deeper therapeutic work later on, ultimately leading to more successful outcomes.
In conclusion, when it comes to treating betrayal trauma, the initial focus must be on crisis resolution. By stabilizing the partner’s emotional state and providing practical support, therapists can help prevent further relational damage and set the stage for long-term healing. Addressing deeper psychological issues should come later, once the partner is emotionally ready to tackle them. This approach, grounded in the prodependence model, offers a compassionate and effective path to recovery for those affected by betrayal trauma.
Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.
References
Weiss, R., & Buck, K. (2022). Practicing Prodependence: The Clinical Alternative to Codependency Treatment. Routledge.
