Floyd Godfrey, PhDBy Floyd Godfrey, PhD
Sex addiction is a complex issue, often misunderstood by both those who suffer from it and even some professionals who aim to treat it. In my 23 years of clinical work, I’ve seen countless clients who came to me after undergoing multiple rounds of therapy with little to no lasting success. One of the primary reasons for this lack of progress is that many therapists rely too heavily on cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or other behavioral interventions, focusing only on stopping the addictive behaviors. While these approaches have value, they often miss the deeper root causes of addiction—especially when it comes to sex addiction, where unresolved attachment wounds are frequently at the core of the issue.
Over the years, I have seen a recurring pattern among my clients: their addiction isn’t simply about compulsive sexual behaviors. Instead, the addiction often stems from deep-seated attachment issues, often originating in childhood. These attachment wounds are emotional injuries that arise when an individual’s early need for safety, love, and connection goes unmet. Whether due to neglect, abuse, or emotional distance from caregivers, these wounds leave individuals with a lingering sense of inadequacy, fear of abandonment, or an inability to form healthy connections. As a result, they often turn to sexual behaviors as a way to soothe their emotional pain or fill a void of unmet attachment needs.
Why Traditional Behavioral Approaches Often Fail
One of the most common mistakes I’ve observed in the treatment of sex addiction is a narrow focus on stopping the behavior through behavioral modification techniques, such as CBT. Many counselors use these methods with the assumption that if they can help the client manage their impulses, the problem will be resolved. However, sex addiction is rarely just about the behavior itself—it is often about what drives the behavior in the first place.
When underlying attachment wounds are not addressed, CBT and other similar techniques may offer temporary relief, but they often fail to produce lasting change. Without understanding the emotional deficits fueling the addiction, clients are left to battle their cravings on the surface level, but the unresolved emotional pain continues to fester beneath. This is why many clients, after working with therapists who focus primarily on behavioral interventions, find themselves back in the same destructive patterns after a short period of sobriety.
The Role of Attachment in Lasting Recovery
What I’ve learned through working with hundreds of clients is that the real key to recovery lies in addressing the attachment wounds that feed the addiction. For lasting recovery, it’s essential to move beyond the behavioral aspects and delve into the emotional and relational deficits that drive compulsive sexual behavior.
For many of my clients, understanding how attachment issues have shaped their addictive patterns is a profound revelation. They begin to see that their addiction isn’t merely a flaw in willpower or moral character but rather a symptom of deeper emotional pain. As we explore these attachment wounds in therapy, clients can start to heal those old hurts, allowing them to form healthier relationships with themselves and others.
Resolving these attachment wounds is essential because until those emotional voids are filled, clients will continue to seek out addictive behaviors to cope. When clients finally feel seen, valued, and safe—especially in the therapeutic relationship—they can begin to replace their unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthier, more fulfilling ways of relating to others. This emotional healing is the foundation upon which long-term recovery is built.
Moving Toward Healthy Recovery Behaviors
As clients work through their attachment wounds and resolve the emotional pain that drives their addiction, they become more capable of engaging in healthy recovery behaviors. This shift is critical because true recovery isn’t just about stopping the addictive behavior; it’s about creating a life where those behaviors are no longer necessary.
In my clinical experience, men who heal their attachment wounds experience profound shifts not only in their recovery but in their overall sense of well-being. They become more confident, more emotionally secure, and better equipped to form meaningful, healthy relationships. This is where lasting recovery happens—not just in avoiding problematic behaviors but in building a life that no longer requires those behaviors as a form of emotional survival.
Conclusion
The roots of sex addiction are often deeply entwined with unresolved attachment issues. Therapists and counselors who focus solely on behavioral modification, without addressing these deeper emotional wounds, often miss the mark when it comes to fostering lasting recovery. My 23 years of clinical work have shown me that healing attachment wounds is essential for clients to break free from the cycle of addiction and move toward healthy, fulfilling lives. Only by addressing these core emotional issues can we help clients achieve the permanent recovery they seek.
Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.
