Dr. Floyd Godfrey

In my years working with couples as a Christian counselor, I’ve often witnessed the devastating effects that pornography has on marriages and intimate relationships. Despite being portrayed by society as harmless or merely an individual issue, pornography poses a significant threat to the sacred bond between spouses. This issue is not only a personal struggle but also a relational and spiritual battle that affects the entire family unit.

In 2005, Dr. Jill Manning, a marriage and family therapist, provided crucial testimony before the U.S. Senate, explaining the destructive impact of pornography on marriages and relationships. She emphasized how pornography consumption leads to decreased satisfaction in marriages, increased infidelity, and objectification of women. Manning also highlighted how pornography can erode trust, foster secrecy, and create emotional distance between partners, all of which contribute to marital breakdown (Manning, 2005).

Spiritual Destruction of Intimacy

From a Christian perspective, marriage is a sacred covenant—a lifelong bond that mirrors the relationship between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:25-33). Pornography, however, undermines this covenant by introducing a counterfeit form of intimacy. Instead of fostering connection, vulnerability, and love, pornography promotes lust, isolation, and self-gratification. Jesus’ warning in Matthew 5:28, “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart,” serves as a stark reminder of the spiritual weight of even private indulgences like pornography. It’s not just the act of infidelity that harms a marriage but the very intent behind it.

In counseling, I have seen couples where one spouse struggles with pornography addiction. Often, this addiction leads to deep feelings of betrayal and inadequacy in the other partner. The spouse who consumes pornography often becomes emotionally unavailable, leaving the other partner feeling isolated and unloved. Healing from this betrayal requires deep spiritual and emotional work, including prayer, counseling, and often, renewed commitment to marital vows.

Erosion of Trust and Emotional Intimacy

Trust is the bedrock of any relationship, particularly in marriage. Pornography consumption introduces deception and secrecy, leading to the slow erosion of trust between partners. According to Dr. Manning’s testimony, when one partner engages with pornography, it can create an environment where emotional and physical fidelity is compromised (Manning, 2005). Couples who once enjoyed closeness and transparency begin to experience secrecy and distance.

I’ve found that one of the most difficult hurdles for couples to overcome is the loss of emotional intimacy. Often, pornography addiction is accompanied by emotional withdrawal, where the addicted partner turns to a screen for fulfillment rather than their spouse. This habit of retreating into a private world of pornography can leave the other spouse feeling emotionally abandoned, which often leads to resentment, loneliness, and sometimes, separation.

Healing Through Christ and Therapeutic Intervention

Despite the deep wounds caused by pornography, there is hope for healing. Christ offers redemption and restoration for all who seek Him, and this includes marriages that have been harmed by pornography. For couples seeking to rebuild their relationships, therapeutic intervention can play a crucial role. Counseling, especially from a Christian perspective, allows both spouses to address their pain, rebuild trust, and cultivate healthier habits that foster intimacy and connection. Christian counseling also emphasizes the power of prayer, repentance, and forgiveness—key aspects of the healing process.

In my work, I often guide couples to confront the root causes of pornography addiction, such as feelings of inadequacy, past trauma, or unmet emotional needs. By addressing these underlying issues and recommitting to God’s design for marriage, many couples can rebuild a strong, Christ-centered relationship.

Conclusion: A Call to Pastors and Christian Leaders

Pornography is not just a private struggle; it is a relational and spiritual epidemic that affects many marriages in our churches today. As pastors, clergy, and church leaders, it is essential to address this issue openly and compassionately within the church. We must offer a space for healing, where couples can find support and encouragement to overcome the harms of pornography through biblical counseling and accountability.

Healing is possible. God can restore what has been broken, and marriages can thrive again when couples place Christ at the center of their relationship. Let us remain vigilant and provide the resources and support necessary for couples to break free from the chains of pornography.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Board Certified Christian Counselor and has facilitated groups within different churches and denominations over the past 30 years. He worked as a licensed counselor for 23 years and provided supervision and training for other counselors as they worked toward independent licensure. You can read more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD at www.FloydGodfrey.com.

Reference
Manning, J. (2005). Pornography's impact on marriage & the family: A review of the research. Retrieved from https://www.judiciary.senate.gov/imo/media/doc/manning_testimony_11_10_05.pdf.