By Dr. Floyd Godfrey
Why Some People Always Have Friends and the Secret to Deep, Lasting Relationships
In a world filled with social media followers and surface-level connections, the longing for true, meaningful friendship remains as strong as ever. Some people seem to effortlessly attract deep relationships—surrounded by friends, loved, and rarely lonely. What is their secret? According to Alan Loy McGinnis, the answer is not luck, personality, or charisma—it’s intentionality.
“As I’ve watched those who are deeply loved,” writes McGinnis, “I’ve noticed they all believe that people are a basic source of happiness. Their companions are very important to them, and no matter how busy their schedule, they have developed a life-style and a way of dispensing their time that allows them to have several profound relationships with people” (2004, p. 22). In other words, friendship is not an accidental blessing—it is a chosen priority.
The Biblical Value of Friendship
Scripture affirms the importance of companionship. Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 reminds us, “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” In Proverbs 17:17, we’re told, “A friend loves at all times.” True friendship reflects God’s design for community and mutual care.
But as McGinnis points out, not everyone experiences this kind of friendship. Why? Because many “do not have time to let love grow” (2004, p. 22). The irony is that in the rush to succeed, accumulate wealth, or even serve others, we can neglect the very relationships that God intended to bring us joy and strength.
The Cost of Neglecting Friendship
It’s easy to let friendships fade when life gets busy. Jobs, ministry responsibilities, parenting, and even good works can crowd our schedules. But McGinnis offers this convicting and helpful advice: “Assign top priority to your relationships” (2004, p. 22). This isn’t about adding one more task to your to-do list—it’s about realigning your values.
Some people never lack friends because they prioritize connection. They make the phone call, schedule the coffee date, remember birthdays, and most importantly, they stay emotionally available. These individuals cultivate trust and deepen bonds by consistently showing up—not just in times of crisis but in everyday life.
Choosing a Life of Relational Richness
For Christians, friendship is not just a nice addition to life—it’s a reflection of God’s own relational nature. We are made in the image of a triune God who exists in eternal community: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. When we pursue friendships, we live out that divine design.
If you’ve found yourself lonely or disconnected, ask the Holy Spirit to show you where your priorities lie. Are your relationships truly at the top of your list? Or has busyness squeezed out the space needed for friendships to grow?
McGinnis challenges us to intentionally build a “life-style” that leaves room for deep, meaningful connection (2004, p. 22). Those who do so rarely lack companionship—because they’ve made space for it to flourish.
Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Board Certified Christian Counselor and has facilitated groups within different churches and denominations over the past 30 years. He worked as a licensed clinician for 23 years and provided supervision and training for other counselors as they worked toward independent licensure. You can read more about Floyd Godfrey PhD at www.FloydGodfrey.com.
References
McGinnis, A. L. (2004). The friendship factor: How to get closer to the people you care for. Augsburg; Alban.
