By Dr. Floyd Godfrey

The importance of fathers for identity formation

In today’s culture, many families face the subtle temptation to place the full burden of parenting on mothers, whether due to societal norms, work commitments, or personal uncertainty about what fatherhood should look like. While mothers unquestionably offer nurturing that is irreplaceable, fathers bring unique and vital contributions to their children’s development—especially when it comes to shaping inner identity, strength, and confidence.

Christian families, rooted in a biblical understanding of parental roles, can reclaim a balanced, God-honoring model of parenting by recognizing the spiritual and psychological importance of father involvement. In Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child, Kyle Pruett, MD, underscores this concept by defining what it truly means to father a child. He writes, “What I mean by fathering is involved fathering” (Pruett, 2001, p. 19). This is far more than merely being present—it’s about being present with purpose.

Biblical Foundations for Fatherhood

Scripture affirms the spiritual responsibility of fathers. Ephesians 6:4 calls fathers to “bring [their children] up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” This role is not passive. It is a calling to be active, intentional, and deeply engaged in the moral and emotional formation of one’s children. Fathers are not auxiliary helpers—they are divinely appointed leaders and nurturers in the home.

A Father’s Impact on Identity and Strength

Children look to their fathers for cues about their self-worth and identity. Especially for sons, a father’s voice can confirm masculinity and strength in healthy, God-honoring ways. For daughters, a father often becomes the first model of how men should treat women. This influence fosters inner strength and emotional confidence in both boys and girls.

Kyle Pruett outlines five key characteristics that define effective fathering:

1. Feeling and behaving responsibly towards one's child.
2. Being emotionally engaged.
3. Being physically accessible.
4. Providing material support to sustain the child’s needs.
5. Exerting influence in child-rearing decisions (Pruett, 2001, p. 19).

These everyday actions provide a roadmap for fathers to live out their calling, not as distant providers but as active participants in their children’s hearts and lives.

Engagement Builds Confidence

One of the most overlooked aspects of fatherhood is emotional availability. Fathers may sometimes feel unequipped for emotional conversations or assume that their role is solely disciplinary. However, emotionally engaged fathers raise children who are more confident, secure, and resilient. By affirming feelings, offering guidance through difficult emotions, and modeling how to manage stress, fathers become a source of emotional strength.

Fatherhood Is More Than Financial

Many fathers equate their success in parenting with their ability to provide financially. While this is certainly a part of the role, it should not be the whole. As Pruett (2001) emphasizes, involved fathering includes emotional presence and decision-making, not just income. Fathers should be visible and vocal in family decisions, education, discipline, and spiritual instruction.

Christian Fathers

It’s time to re-embrace the biblical model of fatherhood—not one based on authority alone, but one rooted in love, consistency, and spiritual leadership. Fathers, your children need you—not just in the big moments, but in the quiet daily rhythms of life. Your presence shapes their view of themselves and of God. When you show up emotionally and spiritually, you reflect the Father heart of God, who never leaves nor forsakes His children.

Let us reject the idea that parenting is the mother’s job alone. God designed fatherhood with purpose, and our families are strongest when both parents embrace their full calling.

Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Board Certified Christian Counselor and has facilitated groups within different churches and denominations over the past 30 years. He worked as a licensed clinician for 23 years and provided supervision and training for other counselors as they worked toward independent licensure. You can read more about Floyd Godfrey PhD at www.FloydGodfrey.com.

Reference
Pruett, K. D. (2001). Fatherneed: Why father care is as essential as mother care for your child. Broadway Books.