By Floyd Godfrey, PhD
Unspoken Wounds
Sexual abuse among boys is more common than many acknowledge, yet it remains shrouded in silence. Unlike societal narratives that often focus on female victims, boys are frequently overlooked, leading to profound psychological repercussions. A critical aspect in the journey of healing is how adults—especially parents and youth leaders—respond to a child’s disclosure or signs of abuse. Tragically, when the response is absent, dismissive, or misinformed, the emotional damage can deepen and manifest in long-term behavioral patterns, including compulsive sexual behaviors and pornography addiction.
Wynn Thompson’s story is one of many that highlights the emotional chaos that follows such abuse. In Prodigal: A Journey to Freedom from Abuse and Addiction (2023), Wynn recalls, “I needed them to put their arms around me, tell me everything was all right and that they loved me. Instead, they seemed lost” (p. 38). This moment underscores the disorientation many boys experience when the very adults they rely on for safety become uncertain or emotionally unavailable.
The Role of Shame and Adult Missteps
One of the most damaging byproducts of sexual abuse is shame. For boys, who are often socialized to be tough and emotionally contained, this shame can be unbearable. Wynn’s internal struggle is poignantly reflected in his memory: “All I could think about was the look of disgust on my father's face, and I felt an overwhelming sense of shame. He blames me for this, I thought” (Thompson, 2023, p. 38). Rather than finding comfort, Wynn was burdened by unspoken judgment, further entrenching his belief that he was at fault.
Sexual abuse also distorts a child’s perception of themselves and their relationships. “I felt abandoned and rejected by him [dad], and it would take a very long time for me to recognize the implications this feeling would have on my life,” Wynn explains (Thompson, 2023, p. 38). When conversations about abuse are avoided, children are left to form their own damaging conclusions. “Because we never talked about it, I formed assumptions—primarily that my father was ashamed of me and that sex with women was bad” (p. 38). These beliefs can subconsciously dictate behaviors well into adulthood.
The Path from Silence to Acting Out
Without appropriate therapeutic support, sexually abused boys may turn to unhealthy outlets to manage their unresolved trauma. Dr. Patrick Carnes (1991), a pioneer in sexual addiction research, emphasized that trauma and unmet emotional needs often fuel compulsive sexual behavior. Wynn’s progression mirrors this pattern. “As a boy, I was a clueless pawn being pushed about by a brewing turmoil of desire mixed with shame and secrecy. By the time I was thirteen, I was ready to give in to any temptation that came my way” (Thompson, 2023, p. 39). The unresolved pain, secrecy, and distorted identity created the perfect conditions for addiction to take root.
Educational Strategies
Professionals must educate parents and caregivers about the importance of immediate, supportive, and non-judgmental responses to a child’s disclosure of abuse. Empathy, reassurance, and seeking professional help are crucial steps in interrupting the cycle of shame. Training for youth leaders and school counselors in trauma-informed care can further ensure that children are met with the understanding they desperately need.
Therapeutic and Coaching Interventions
Effective recovery often requires the guidance of specialized therapists or coaches trained in sexual addiction and trauma recovery. Experts like Mark Laaser have emphasized integrating trauma resolution with addiction recovery models. Therapeutic interventions must include safe environments where victims can unpack their narratives, challenge internalized shame, and develop healthy emotional regulation and relational skills.
Healing Is Possible
Despite the deep wounds left by childhood sexual abuse, recovery is possible. It begins with acknowledging the trauma, reshaping the stories children have formed about themselves, and offering consistent, informed support. When adults respond with clarity and compassion, they not only break the silence but also plant seeds of healing that can transform a life.
Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.
References
Carnes, P. (1991). Don't Call It Love: Recovery from Sexual Addiction. Bantam Books.
Thompson, W. C. (2023). Prodigal: A Journey to Freedom from Abuse and Addiction. Wheatmark Publishing.
