By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

Sexual anorexia is a lesser-known yet profound condition that I often encounter in my clinical work with couples, particularly those who are grappling with the fallout from intimate betrayal or sexual addiction. Sexual anorexia is characterized by an obsessive avoidance of sexual intimacy. This avoidance is not merely a lack of interest in sex but a deliberate resistance driven by deep-rooted emotional and psychological factors. When sexual anorexia intersects with intimate betrayal, such as infidelity or a partner’s struggle with sexual addiction, the result can be a devastating spiral of pain, distrust, and disconnection in the relationship.

The Psychological Dynamics of Sexual Anorexia
In many cases, sexual anorexia is a defense mechanism, a way of shielding oneself from perceived dangers associated with sexual vulnerability. For partners of those dealing with sexual addiction, anorexia can become a means of exerting control in a relationship that feels unsafe or out of balance. The emotional wounds inflicted by betrayal often lead to an overwhelming fear of being hurt again, which manifests as avoidance. In such cases, sexual anorexia is not just a physical rejection but an emotional wall that one partner erects to protect themselves from further pain.

In my clinical practice, I have observed that couples dealing with sexual anorexia often find themselves trapped in cycles of avoidance and frustration. One partner may feel neglected or unwanted, while the other feels overwhelmed by shame or fear. The impact of this dynamic is profound: it creates emotional distance and can prevent genuine intimacy and healing from taking place. The anorexic partner's behavior is often misunderstood as simple disinterest or lack of affection, which only compounds the hurt and alienation on both sides.

The Role of Intimate Betrayal in Sexual Anorexia
Intimate betrayal, particularly when it involves sexual addiction, plays a significant role in the development of sexual anorexia. Betrayal often leads to a breach of trust so severe that it shakes the very foundation of the relationship. Partners of those with sexual addiction frequently describe feeling violated, emotionally abandoned, or insignificant. In response, they may shut down sexually, not out of spite, but out of a deep sense of betrayal and loss of safety.

In some cases, the anorexic partner may internalize the betrayal, questioning their own desirability or worthiness. This can exacerbate feelings of shame, leading to even greater avoidance of sexual contact. On the other hand, the partner struggling with sexual addiction may experience the anorexia as rejection, perpetuating a harmful cycle where each partner's pain reinforces the other’s behavior. This cycle is complex and deeply entrenched, requiring careful navigation in therapy.

Therapeutic Approaches to Healing
Healing from the dual impact of sexual anorexia and sexual addiction requires a multifaceted approach. Therapy must address both the emotional wounds caused by betrayal and the underlying issues that drive sexual anorexia. In my work with couples, I focus on creating a safe space where both partners can express their fears, pain, and frustrations without judgment. Emotional safety is paramount, as it is often the lack of safety that leads to avoidance behaviors in the first place.

Education is also crucial. Many couples do not fully understand the dynamics of sexual anorexia or how it is intertwined with addiction and betrayal. I guide them through understanding these patterns and how they manifest in their relationship. Building this awareness helps to depersonalize the issue, shifting the focus from blame to healing.

Finally, its important to use evidence-based strategies to rebuild intimacy in a way that feels safe and gradual. This often includes sensate focus exercises, emotional reconnection practices, and establishing clear boundaries that foster trust. Recovery is not about forcing sexual contact but about fostering emotional and physical closeness in a way that honors each partner's boundaries and needs.

Conclusion
Couples facing the intersection of sexual anorexia and intimate betrayal can feel like they are in an impossible situation, but recovery is possible with the right support. By addressing the emotional roots of sexual anorexia and the pain of betrayal, couples can begin to heal. Rebuilding trust, intimacy, and emotional safety is a slow process, but with compassionate guidance, couples can find their way back to each other.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD, is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD, please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.