By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

Forgiveness is often misunderstood, especially when wounds run deep and justice feels unresolved. Many people quietly carry the weight of past offenses, replaying moments of hurt, betrayal, or injustice. Over time, this burden can shape the heart, influencing thoughts, relationships, and even one’s view of God. Scripture calls believers to forgive, not as a suggestion, but as a pathway to freedom and spiritual wholeness. As Ephesians 4:31-32 teaches, believers are called to put away bitterness and forgive one another, just as God in Christ forgave us.

One of the most important truths about forgiveness is that it is a choice, not a feeling. Feelings may resist forgiveness, especially when pain remains fresh or unacknowledged. Yet forgiveness begins with a decision of the will, an intentional act of obedience before God. Jesus taught His followers to forgive not seven times, but seventy times seven, showing that forgiveness is not dependent on emotional readiness, but on a surrendered heart, Matthew 18:21-22. When we choose to forgive, even when we do not feel like it, we align ourselves with God’s command and invite His healing into our lives.

It is also important to understand that forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Human memory does not simply erase painful experiences, nor does God require us to pretend that wrong never occurred. Forgiveness is not denial. Instead, it is the conscious decision to release the offense, to relinquish the demand for repayment, and to entrust justice to God, as Romans 12:19 reminds us that vengeance belongs to the Lord. In this way, forgiveness becomes an act of faith. We acknowledge the wrong, yet we refuse to let it define our future or control our hearts.

Bitterness, when left unchecked, becomes a heavy burden. It can quietly influence attitudes, distort perceptions, and create distance in relationships. Over time, it drains emotional and spiritual energy, keeping individuals tethered to past pain. Hebrews 12:15 warns that a root of bitterness can spring up and cause trouble, affecting many. Forgiveness, on the other hand, breaks that tether. It allows a person to step out from under the shadow of offense and into the light of God’s grace. This is not minimizing the hurt, but choosing not to be imprisoned by it.

From a spiritual perspective, unforgiveness carries even deeper consequences. When bitterness takes root, it creates an opening, an access point through which the adversary can bring harassment, discouragement, and division. Scripture cautions believers to not give the devil a foothold, Ephesians 4:27. The enemy thrives in unresolved anger and wounded hearts, using these spaces to sow confusion and unrest. Forgiveness closes that door. It restores spiritual authority and reestablishes peace, allowing the believer to walk in greater freedom and protection.

Choosing forgiveness is not always easy, especially when the offense feels significant or repeated. It may require daily surrender, prayer, and reliance on God’s strength. Yet each step toward forgiveness lightens the burden. Colossians 3:13 encourages believers to bear with one another and forgive grievances, just as the Lord forgave us. Over time, what once felt impossible becomes a testimony of God’s grace at work within the heart.

Forgiveness ultimately reflects the character of Christ. As believers, we are called to extend the same grace we have received. When we forgive, we participate in God’s redemptive work, not only in others’ lives, but in our own. We exchange bitterness for peace, resentment for freedom, and heaviness for hope.

Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Board Certified Christian Counselor and has facilitated groups within different churches and denominations over the past 30 years. He worked as a licensed clinician for 23 years and provided supervision and training for other counselors as they worked toward independent licensure. You can read more about Floyd Godfrey PhD at www.FloydGodfrey.com