Floyd Godfrey, PhDBy Floyd Godfrey, PhD
Sexual addiction is a complex and often misunderstood condition that affects many individuals and their families. Despite growing awareness, numerous rationalizations and myths continue to obscure the reality of sexual addiction, making it more challenging for those affected to seek help and begin their recovery journey. This article explores the common rationalizations used by sexual addicts and dispels the myths that hinder effective treatment and recovery.
Rationalizations in Sexual Addiction
One of the most significant obstacles to recovery from sexual addiction is the rationalization addicts use to justify their behavior. These rationalizations are not merely excuses; they are deeply ingrained beliefs that reinforce the addictive behavior and delay the recognition of the problem. According to Patrick Carnes, a leading expert in sexual addiction, "in fact, one of the most common rationales from married addicts is 'I do it in order to stay in the marriage.' In reality, though, the marriage is often characterized by diminishing intimacy, sensitivity, and sexuality" (Carnes, 2001, p. 4).
This rationale reflects the addict's attempt to justify harmful behavior by framing it as a necessary evil for preserving the marriage. However, the irony is that the very behavior intended to "save" the marriage actually erodes the emotional and sexual intimacy that forms its foundation. As the addict becomes more entrenched in the addiction, the relationship often deteriorates, leading to further isolation and dysfunction.
Common Myths of Sexual Addiction
In addition to rationalizations, several myths persist about sexual addiction, contributing to the stigma and misunderstanding surrounding the condition. Carnes (2001) identifies some of the most pervasive myths that addicts believe:
- I am oversexed.
- No one else is like me.
- I really did care for her/him.
- Just one more time won't hurt.
- I deserve it.
- It isn't so bad since everyone does it.
- S/he wanted, deserved, and asked for it.
These myths serve as psychological defenses, allowing the addict to minimize the severity of their behavior and its consequences. The belief that they are "oversexed" or that "no one else is like me" reinforces a sense of uniqueness or abnormality, which can isolate the addict and prevent them from seeking help. Similarly, the justification "just one more time won't hurt" perpetuates the cycle of addiction by downplaying the risks and consequences of continued behavior.
The myth "I really did care for her/him" reflects a distorted perception of the relationships involved in the addictive behavior. This belief can lead to a cycle of unhealthy attachments and emotional confusion, making it difficult for the addict to establish genuine, healthy relationships. The myth "I deserve it" or "it isn't so bad since everyone does it" further normalizes the behavior, reducing the perceived need for change.
Dispelling the Myths and Moving Toward Recovery
Understanding and confronting these rationalizations and myths is a crucial step in the recovery process. For both the addict and those supporting them, it is essential to recognize these beliefs for what they are: barriers to recovery. Recovery involves challenging these distorted thoughts, recognizing the harm caused by the addiction, and committing to change.
Therapeutic interventions that focus on cognitive restructuring can be particularly effective in addressing these myths and rationalizations. By helping the addict to reframe their thinking and develop healthier coping mechanisms, therapists can guide them toward a more honest and realistic understanding of their behavior and its impact on their lives.
Conclusion
Sexual addiction is often perpetuated by a web of rationalizations and myths that distort the addict's perception of reality. Confronting these beliefs is essential for breaking the cycle of addiction and moving toward recovery. With the right support and therapeutic interventions, individuals can overcome these barriers, dispel the myths, and begin the process of healing and rebuilding their lives.
Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.
References
Carnes, P. (2001). Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction. Hazelden.
