Dr. Floyd Godfrey
Overcoming pornography addiction with your wife’s support can be one of the most transformative experiences in marriage. It fosters openness, breaks down the walls of shame, and builds a foundation for mutual growth and trust. As Christians, we are called to carry each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), and involving your spouse in your healing journey reflects the heart of this principle.
The Power of Transparency
Patrick Carnes emphasizes the destructive nature of secrecy, stating, “To have secrets is to have shame. Addiction thrives in secrecy and shame” (Carnes, 2015, p. 155). Pornography addiction often isolates individuals, feeding on the shame and guilt that secrecy perpetuates. For a marriage to heal, the cycle of silence must be broken.
While it is daunting, bringing your wife into your recovery process means embracing vulnerability. A loving marriage should be a refuge where challenges are faced together. By sharing your struggles, you invite your spouse to partner with you in dismantling the stronghold of addiction.
However, transparency doesn’t mean overwhelming your wife with every detail. Instead, it’s about communicating in ways she can process and handle. Some spouses may need the guidance of a counselor or pastor to navigate these conversations. Respect her emotional capacity while remaining committed to truthfulness.
The Importance of Truth in Rebuilding Trust
Discussing pornography addiction is often more challenging than addressing other struggles. Carnes notes, “Talking to your partner about sex addiction is more difficult than talking about a gambling or alcohol problem. Nevertheless, it is very important to do” (2015, p. 155). This is because the betrayal attached to pornography often cuts deeply into a spouse’s sense of security and intimacy.
Being honest with your wife about your struggles is crucial in restoring trust. As Carnes explains, “Your spouse has to know what he or she is dealing with. Yes, they will be upset. But telling the truth is an important step in restoring trust” (2015, p. 155). While this honesty may initially cause pain, it opens the door for genuine healing. Scripture reminds us that the truth sets us free (John 8:32), and this freedom extends to relationships.
Involving Your Wife in Your Healing Process
If your wife is willing and emotionally prepared, involving her in your recovery process can strengthen your marriage. Attending support groups, engaging in couple’s counseling, and developing shared strategies for accountability are practical steps that encourage partnership.
Yet, it’s important to understand her role isn’t to be your primary counselor or accountability partner. That responsibility belongs to trained professionals and peers in recovery groups. Your wife’s involvement should be centered on emotional support and mutual understanding. This balanced approach ensures she isn’t overburdened or retraumatized.
Prayer and shared spiritual practices can also serve as powerful tools in the healing process. Praying together not only invites God into your journey but also strengthens your spiritual bond as a couple.
Hope in the Journey
Breaking free from pornography addiction is a challenging but achievable goal, especially with God’s guidance and your wife’s support. Remember, this journey isn’t about achieving perfection—it’s about progress and transformation. By fostering open communication and embracing mutual healing, your marriage can emerge stronger and more Christ-centered.
Floyd Godfrey, PhD, is a Board Certified Christian Counselor and has facilitated groups within different churches and denominations over the past 30 years. He worked as a licensed clinician for 23 years and provided supervision and training for other counselors as they worked toward independent licensure. You can read more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD at www.FloydGodfrey.com.
Reference
Carnes, P. (2015). Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery (3rd ed.). Gentle Path Press.