By Dr. Floyd Godfrey

Raising a son involves more than meeting physical needs. It requires emotional sensitivity, developmental awareness, and a nuanced understanding of the shifts that occur as a boy grows. One of the most complex stages is the transition from childhood to young adulthood, a time marked by psychological, emotional, and relational upheavals. For many parents, especially those unprepared for the changing dynamics of attachment and identity, this period can be both beautiful and bewildering.

Developmental Shifts in the Parent-Son Relationship

Between the ages of five and eight, boys begin to experience a major developmental milestone. As Elium and Elium (2004) state, “Between the years of five and eight, the psychological force moves the son into transition. The primacy of identification now begins to shift from Mother to Father” (p. 22). This internal reorientation is not merely symbolic; it is deeply rooted in a boy’s need to establish his sense of masculine identity. While this shift can feel sudden to many mothers, it is a natural and necessary step in the boy’s psychological maturation.

However, the transition is not straightforward. Boys often feel torn between the emotional safety of their mother and the emerging pull toward their father or male role models. As described by Elium and Elium (2004), “The inner urge of the male plan of development nudges him out of the nest of the mother over a precarious bridge to the world of the father” (p. 22). This image captures the instability and potential for missteps during this developmental bridge-crossing. Parents may witness mood swings, resistance to nurturance, or increased emotional sensitivity as boys attempt to balance internal urges with external expectations.

Emotional Complexity and Parental Challenges

Despite the shift toward the father, a boy does not abandon his need for maternal connection. In fact, as Elium and Elium (2004) highlight, “This does not mean that a boy no longer needs, wants, nor pays any attention to his mother. He may seek her out even more than before, craving her attention, understanding and approval” (p. 22). For many mothers, this duality can be confusing: one moment their son pushes them away, the next he seeks intense closeness. For fathers, there may be uncertainty about how to engage, lead, and support their son without dominating or pressuring him.

This stage is not only about masculine identity but also about emotional integration. Boys need space to explore vulnerability and self-expression, particularly as cultural norms may restrict how they process and show emotion. Fathers, in particular, play a key role in modeling healthy masculinity, demonstrating that strength can coexist with compassion, and that independence does not mean emotional isolation.

Educational Strategies

Therapeutic support and psychoeducation are powerful tools for parents during this transition. Professionals can help families understand that developmental shifts are not failures of parenting, but expected psychological stages. Parents benefit from learning how to validate their son’s emotions while also guiding him toward responsibility and resilience. Open communication, consistent boundaries, and age-appropriate responsibilities help boys feel secure while navigating the challenges of growing up.

The Role of Therapeutic Intervention

Counselors and coaches can offer valuable frameworks for assessing emotional blocks or familial dynamics that complicate the transition. Early intervention can mitigate long-term issues such as emotional withdrawal, aggression, or identity confusion. Family therapy sessions may address communication patterns, clarify roles, and reinforce healthy attachment strategies. In some cases, helping parents process their own childhood experiences with gender roles or parental expectations can remove unconscious barriers to connecting with their son.

Raising a son through the turbulent years of emotional and psychological transition is no easy task. Yet with education, support, and mindful engagement, parents can offer a steady hand as their sons cross the metaphorical bridge into young adulthood. This journey, though complex, holds the promise of deepened connection and mutual growth for both parent and child.

Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Certified Mental Health Coach and has been guiding clients since 2000. He currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about his services please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.

References

Elium, D., & Elium, J. (2004). Raising a son. Celestial Arts.