By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

Over the years, I have worked with countless men struggling to maintain recovery from pornography addiction. Many have found that staying ahead of the relapse cycle—rather than reacting to it—is the key to long-term success. The men who thrive in recovery are those who actively monitor their emotional, psychological, and behavioral patterns, addressing issues before they escalate. Unfortunately, for those who do relapse, the pattern is often eerily predictable.

Recognizing the Predictable Relapse Pattern

Patrick Carnes (2015) emphasizes, "A very predictable sequence of events occurs in relapse" (p. 200). This is something I have observed firsthand with clients who, despite months of progress, suddenly find themselves slipping back into old behaviors. Relapse rarely happens spontaneously—it builds gradually, often beginning with stress, emotional neglect, or the erosion of daily recovery habits. Carnes explains, "Relapse typically starts with lifestyle imbalance. Stress and neglect take their toll" (p. 200).

When men become overwhelmed by work, family pressures, or personal struggles, they may unintentionally deprioritize self-care and accountability. They stop attending support meetings, neglect daily check-ins, or fail to engage in personal reflection. Over time, this imbalance creates an internal vulnerability, making it easier to rationalize risky behaviors.

The Subtle Collapse of Boundaries

One of the most dangerous stages of relapse occurs when men begin to test themselves. Carnes (2015) warns, "Boundaries start to collapse when addicts start to test themselves" (p. 200). This might involve browsing social media without accountability software, staying up late alone with a phone, or watching suggestive content under the pretense that "it isn’t pornography." These small compromises create a false sense of control, but they actually erode the protective boundaries that keep individuals safe in recovery.

Without intervention, these seemingly minor decisions can lead to an initial slip—perhaps clicking on explicit content or engaging in prolonged fantasy. At this point, many individuals adopt an all-or-nothing mindset, thinking, "I have gone this far, I might as well do the whole thing" (Carnes, 2015, p. 200). This rationalization leads to full relapse, reinforcing shame and making it even harder to stop the cycle.

Intervening Early to Prevent Relapse

The most effective way to prevent relapse is to recognize warning signs early. Carnes (2015) advises, "It is better to keep stable or intervene early" (p. 200). This means men must remain proactive, consistently evaluating their emotional and mental state. Some practical strategies include:

• Daily Self-Check-Ins: Identifying stressors, triggers, and emotional struggles before they escalate.
• Accountability Partnerships: Regularly engaging with a sponsor, therapist, or support group to ensure transparency.
• Healthy Coping Strategies: Managing stress through exercise, meditation, social connection, and spiritual practices.
• Boundaries and Safeguards: Reinforcing digital and behavioral boundaries before they begin to slip.

Commitment to Long-Term Recovery

Men who successfully avoid relapse do so by staying vigilant and committed to their recovery plan. When stress arises, they recognize it as a call to increase—not decrease—recovery efforts. They understand that no slip is inevitable, and every moment presents an opportunity to realign with their values.

Although relapse can feel discouraging, it is not the end of recovery. By learning from setbacks and strengthening protective strategies, individuals can regain stability and continue forward. True recovery is not about perfection—it is about resilience, self-awareness, and the willingness to take action before a full relapse occurs.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD, is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD, please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.

Reference:
Carnes, P. (2015). Facing the shadow: Starting sexual and relationship recovery (3rd ed.). Gentle Path Press.