Floyd Godfrey, PhDDr. Floyd Godfrey
Working clinically with adolescent boys over the years has given me a unique window into the challenges they face as they transition from childhood into adulthood. This phase of life is marked by a host of apprehensions, often compounded by societal expectations and internalized beliefs about what it means to "grow up." Teen boys frequently experience a sense of discomfort when it comes to sharing their feelings, and this reluctance is rooted in several factors worth exploring.
One of the most significant apprehensions teenage boys have is the fear of vulnerability. Society often teaches boys from a young age that to be strong means to be emotionally stoic. This messaging is deeply ingrained and can make it incredibly difficult for boys to express feelings of sadness, fear, or confusion. Instead, they may put on a façade of indifference or even aggression, hiding the very emotions they desperately need to express. This internal conflict can lead to a sense of isolation, as these boys may feel that no one truly understands what they are going through.
In my clinical experience, I’ve seen how teenage boys are often uncomfortable sharing their feelings due to a fear of being judged or perceived as weak. Many of them hold onto the belief that showing emotion will result in ridicule or rejection, not just from peers, but from the adults in their lives as well. This belief can lead to bottling up emotions, which, over time, can manifest as anxiety, depression, or even physical symptoms like headaches and stomachaches.
Quiet fears also plague many adolescent boys. They worry about their future—about being able to meet the expectations placed upon them by parents, teachers, and society at large. They might fear failure in school, sports, or social settings, but these fears are often kept hidden, buried under layers of bravado. They may also be uncertain about their identity, both in terms of who they are now and who they will become. These are heavy burdens for anyone to carry, let alone a young person still figuring out their place in the world.
So, what can mentors and parents do to help these boys open up? The first step is to create a safe, nonjudgmental space where they feel heard and understood. It’s crucial to normalize the expression of emotions, reinforcing the idea that feelings are not a sign of weakness but rather a natural part of being human. This can be done through open conversations where the adult shares their own experiences with emotions, modeling the kind of vulnerability that is often so hard for teenage boys to access on their own.
Active listening is another key component. When a teen boy begins to open up, it’s important not to interrupt or rush to offer solutions. Sometimes, they simply need someone to listen without trying to fix anything. This shows respect for their process and can build trust over time. Additionally, encouraging activities that naturally lead to conversation, such as taking a walk or working on a project together, can help boys feel more comfortable sharing what’s on their minds. Boys often share better when they are doing something.
Finally, consistency is essential. Building trust takes time, and teenage boys need to know that the adults in their lives are reliable and there for them, regardless of what they are going through. It’s about showing up, day in and day out, with patience and understanding.
In conclusion, the journey through adolescence is fraught with challenges, but with the right support, teenage boys can learn to navigate their emotions and fears in a healthy way. By being present, listening actively, and encouraging emotional expression, mentors and parents can make a significant difference in helping these young men grow into confident, self-aware adults.
Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Certified Mental Health Coach and has been guiding clients since 2000. He currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD, please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.
