By Dr. Floyd Godfrey

Parents often feel pressure to have all the answers and always make the right decisions. While wisdom and consistency are valuable, striving for perfection can unintentionally create unrealistic expectations for both parents and children. One of the greatest gifts parents can give their children is the example of humility. When children see their parents acknowledge mistakes, apologize sincerely, and make healthy changes, they learn that growth is more important than perfection.

Children are constantly watching how their parents respond to challenges, disappointments, and failures. They notice whether adults become defensive or whether they accept responsibility. They observe whether conflict leads to healing or lingering resentment. These everyday moments often become some of the most powerful teaching opportunities within the family.

Many parents worry that admitting mistakes will weaken their authority. In reality, the opposite is true. A genuine apology demonstrates strength, maturity, and emotional security. When a parent says, "I was wrong," or "I shouldn't have spoken to you that way," children learn that taking responsibility is a normal part of healthy relationships. This builds trust because children see honesty modeled in practical ways.

Dr. Cara Natterson emphasizes the importance of allowing ourselves another opportunity after making parenting mistakes. She writes, "And finally, take do-overs. Perhaps the most valuable piece of advice on the list, it's not talking to your son as much as talking yourself off the ledge," (Natterson, 2020, p. 9). Every parent will have moments of frustration, exhaustion, or poor judgment. Those moments do not define the relationship. Instead, what follows those moments often has the greatest impact.

Natterson continues with an encouraging reminder: "If you screw up, which we all do, own it and pivot. We all make mistakes, bring our children to tears, set rules that are nonsensical, say things we don't mean, laugh at the wrong times, punish disproportionately, miss the things that really needed discipline, roll our eyes in a less-than-subtle way, wear our hearts on our sleeves, yell, not yell, and make every other mistake in the book," (Natterson, 2020, p. 9). Her words acknowledge what every parent eventually experiences. Parenting is not about flawless performance. It is about remaining teachable, responsive, and committed to the relationship.

When parents model repentance and humility, children receive permission to be honest about their own struggles. Instead of hiding mistakes out of fear or shame, they become more likely to seek guidance and support. They learn that making a mistake does not define their identity. Rather, mistakes become opportunities for learning, healing, and growth.

Shame often convinces children that they must hide their failures to remain accepted. Grace communicates something very different. Grace says that while behavior has consequences, love remains secure. When parents apologize after losing their temper or changing an unfair decision, they reinforce this message. Their actions communicate that everyone is still growing, regardless of age.

This approach also reflects important biblical principles. James encourages believers to practice humility and receive God's wisdom (James 3:13). Likewise, the apostle John reminds us that confession is part of living in God's truth: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (NIV, 1 John 1:9). Parents who model confession and restoration demonstrate these biblical values in everyday family life.

Natterson summarizes this perspective well: "We're human. When you make the wrong call, set the wrong rule, or react in the wrong way, take ownership, apologize as necessary, and then give yourself another chance. Take the do-over. That's called being a parent," (Natterson, 2020, p. 10). Those words remind us that parenting is a journey of continual learning, not a test of perfection.

Healthy families are not built by perfect people. They are built by parents who are willing to grow, extend grace, seek forgiveness, and keep moving forward. When children see that their parents are works in progress, they gain freedom to become works in progress themselves. They learn that mistakes are not the end of the story, they are often where wisdom, resilience, and deeper relationships begin.

Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Board Certified Christian Counselor and has facilitated groups within different churches and denominations over the past 30 years. He worked as a licensed clinician for 23 years and provided supervision and training for other counselors as they worked toward independent licensure. You can read more about Floyd Godfrey PhD at www.FloydGodfrey.com.

Reference

Natterson, C. (2020). Decoding boys: New science behind the subtle art of raising sons. Ballantine Books.