By Floyd Godfrey, PhD
Amends in Recovery
For individuals recovering from sex addiction, Step Nine in the Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) program—making direct amends—becomes more than a moral obligation. It transforms into a powerful process of healing, accountability, and spiritual growth. This practice not only seeks to repair damaged relationships but also fosters profound personal transformation. SAA emphasizes, “In the long run, the most effective amends we can make to others and to ourselves is in our commitment to recovery” (Sex Addicts Anonymous, 2012, p. 51). Commitment to recovery reflects a sincere shift in values and behavior—one that helps restore inner dignity and external trust.
Responsibility
Therapeutic experts like Kim Buck and Mark Laaser highlight how taking responsibility is a critical turning point in recovery from compulsive sexual behavior. Shame often drives addictive cycles, and accountability counters this by validating the experiences of those harmed while empowering the recovering addict to break free from secrecy and denial. According to SAA, “We become accountable for our behavior. Our relationships improve, both with those we have harmed in the past and with new people in our lives” (Sex Addicts Anonymous, 2012, p. 51). This suggests that amends work not only addresses the past but reshapes how recovering individuals engage in current and future relationships.
Therapeutic and coaching interventions often support this stage of recovery by encouraging addicts to approach their amends with a spirit of humility, empathy, and integrity. Clinicians may utilize role-playing, letter writing, or guided sessions to help clients express their remorse and, more importantly, to live differently going forward. These interventions assist in ensuring that amends are not self-centered or manipulative but instead genuine steps toward healing relational wounds.
Self-Forgiveness
The journey of making amends also opens the door to self-forgiveness, a pivotal but often elusive milestone in recovery. While acknowledging harm done can be deeply uncomfortable, the process becomes transformational when it leads to compassion—for both oneself and others. SAA notes, “If we have been diligent in our amends, we will certainly grow in self-forgiveness too. As a result of accepting responsibility for the harm we have done, even to those who may have hurt us, we glimpse new possibilities for loving and forgiving others” (Sex Addicts Anonymous, 2012, p. 52).
This echoes the insights of Kim Buck, who emphasizes that forgiveness is not forgetting, but rather an active engagement in healing that includes emotional and behavioral change. Through continued dedication to recovery practices—therapy, group support, and accountability—sex addicts often discover a renewed capacity for empathy, connection, and purpose. These new relational dynamics become the fruits of sincere amends.
Growth and Connection
Ultimately, making amends is not a single act but a continuous commitment to relational and emotional integrity. When done thoughtfully and persistently, it creates a feedback loop of healing. By choosing recovery as a way of life and acknowledging the impact of their actions, individuals struggling with sex addiction not only rebuild trust—they become more compassionate, present, and authentic in all aspects of life.
Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com
References
Sex Addicts Anonymous. (2012). Sex Addicts Anonymous (Green Book). International Service Organization of SAA, Inc.
