By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

Sex addiction is a pervasive issue that can profoundly affect individuals and their relationships. According to Patrick Carnes (2015), many sex addicts maintain harmful self-deceptions that prevent them from seeking recovery. These lies serve as psychological barriers, reinforcing addictive patterns and delaying intervention. Recognizing these falsehoods is a critical step toward breaking free and starting a journey of healing.

No One Knows or Will Know
A common fallacy among sex addicts is the belief that their behaviors can remain hidden indefinitely. This self-deception feeds the secrecy that addiction thrives on. As Carnes (2015) explains, "Addiction flourishes in isolation, relying on the belief that privacy equals safety" (p. 125). The reality, however, is that secrets often surface, leaving addicts unprepared for the consequences. Therapists can counter this narrative by emphasizing accountability and encouraging participation in support groups where transparency is valued.

I Can Change by Myself
The notion of self-reliance is another destructive lie. Sex addicts frequently believe they can stop their behaviors through sheer willpower. Carnes (2015) notes that this belief neglects the complex psychological and emotional roots of addiction. "Addicts often underestimate the depth of the problem, believing they can control it alone" (p. 125). Recovery requires external support, often through professional therapy and structured recovery programs like 12-step models. Educating clients about the necessity of community and professional guidance can dismantle this myth.

I Can Always Figure Out or Force a Way to Handle Problems
This lie reflects a deeply ingrained pattern of control and manipulation. Addicts may attempt to "solve" their addiction without addressing the underlying issues driving it. Carnes (2015) highlights that "forcing solutions often leads to denial and deeper entrenchment in addictive cycles" (p. 125). Effective therapeutic interventions challenge this mindset by helping individuals adopt healthier coping mechanisms, fostering self-awareness, and encouraging vulnerability.

I Work Best Alone
Believing in the value of isolation is a hallmark of addictive behavior. Sex addicts may convince themselves that working alone protects them from judgment or shame. However, this mindset perpetuates loneliness and disconnection, which often fuel the addiction itself. Carnes (2015) underscores the need for community, stating, "Recovery is inherently relational, requiring connection and collaboration with others" (p. 125). Encouraging group therapy and peer support combats this isolation and introduces addicts to a network of understanding allies.

No One Is Hurt by What I Have Done
Minimization is a powerful defense mechanism for addicts, leading them to downplay the harm caused by their actions. They may rationalize their behavior as victimless, ignoring the emotional, relational, and even financial toll it can take on loved ones. "Denial of harm undermines the recovery process by preventing accountability and empathy," Carnes (2015) argues (p. 125). Therapists can facilitate healing by encouraging clients to understand and acknowledge the impact of their behaviors on others.

I Have Not Been Hurt by What I Have Done
Finally, sex addicts may deny the personal consequences of their addiction, convincing themselves that they are immune to emotional pain or psychological damage. This lie prevents them from addressing their own trauma and vulnerabilities. As Carnes (2015) states, "Acknowledging self-harm is essential for breaking the cycle of addiction and fostering self-compassion" (p. 125). Helping clients explore the personal cost of their behaviors can open pathways to self-awareness and change.

Understanding and challenging these lies is a vital part of recovery. Through therapeutic guidance, community support, and personal accountability, individuals can begin to dismantle the barriers these self-deceptions create. Recovery is not just about stopping addictive behaviors but embracing honesty, vulnerability, and connection.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.

Reference

Carnes, P. (2015). Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery (3rd ed.). Gentle Path Press.