By Floyd Godfrey, PhD
The Burden of Overcontrol
In recovery work—especially in the realm of pornography and sexual addiction—clients often come in tightly wound, gripping their healing like a personal project to be micromanaged. They strive relentlessly to "fix" themselves, fearing that letting go might mean falling apart. However, this mindset can be more destructive than restorative. As Patrick Carnes (2001) noted, addictive behaviors often emerge from a distorted sense of control and unmet emotional needs. When individuals attempt to control every aspect of their recovery, they may unknowingly be repeating the same patterns that led to their addiction in the first place.
Surrender and Stillness in Therapeutic Recovery
One of the most profound interventions therapists and coaches can offer is the invitation to pause. While structure and accountability are vital in sexual addiction recovery, so is learning to be still—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The ancient principle of “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10, NIV) speaks directly to this. People need to recognize when they have done their part and learn to trust that healing is not entirely within their control. Giving God the license to work in areas beyond human reach is often where true peace begins. Encouraging surrender doesn’t mean advocating for passivity; rather, it invites a co-laboring with God that aligns with spiritual and psychological healing.
The Risk of Doing God’s Work for Him
It’s not uncommon for individuals in recovery to confuse activity with progress. They may feel the need to “stay busy” with checklists, support groups, reading plans, and even excessive prayer or religious performance. But sustainable recovery often involves deep, relational transformation—not just behavioral management. If a person is growing weary despite their efforts, it might be a signal that they are not aligned with divine timing or intention. In other words, they’re trying to do God’s part of the work rather than their own.
Rest as a Therapeutic and Spiritual Necessity
Rest is not just a spiritual principle—it’s a psychological necessity. Chronic stress and emotional exhaustion can undermine even the most structured recovery plan. Encouraging clients to incorporate restorative practices like mindfulness, spiritual reflection, and even periods of non-doing can help prevent burnout. As therapists and coaches, we must model this balance and challenge the narrative that healing comes only through relentless effort. Recovery is both an act of faith and a journey of trust.
Planning With God
The difference between planning with God versus for God is subtle but significant. Many in recovery come up with plans and ask for divine endorsement, rather than seeking alignment from the start. Therapeutically, this speaks to the necessity of grounding goals in both clinical wisdom and spiritual discernment. Giving God the license to redirect our paths invites divine wisdom into our human strategies. Coaches and counselors can guide clients through reflective exercises that encourage listening—to their bodies, their emotions, and to God. This collaborative posture often leads to more effective and life-giving recovery strategies.
Freedom Found in Divine Partnership
Ultimately, letting God handle what is beyond us allows space for real transformation. Clients who embrace this partnership often experience less anxiety, greater resilience, and deeper joy. While personal responsibility remains crucial, so does the humility to acknowledge our limits. Recovery is not a solo endeavor—it is a spiritual, emotional, and communal process rooted in grace. We thrive when we grant God the license to move in areas we were never meant to control.
Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Certified Christian Counselor, a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist Supervisor. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.
