By Dr. Floyd Godfrey

Many people have been taught that anger is something to fear, suppress, or avoid. For some, anger has been associated with conflict, broken relationships, or a loss of self-control. As a result, they may try to ignore their anger or feel ashamed whenever it surfaces. Yet anger itself is not the enemy. When understood correctly, anger can become one of the most valuable emotions we experience because it points us toward important realities within our hearts.

Many individuals can relate to the perspective described by Dodd (2015): “I grew up believing that anger was a destructive force to avoid. That if I ever felt anger, I had somehow fallen short” (p. 79). This belief often creates unnecessary guilt. Instead of asking why they feel angry, people judge themselves simply for having the emotion. Unfortunately, this approach ignores the valuable information anger is attempting to communicate.

Dodd (2015) also observes, “Anger was something to withhold, hide, or use to keep others away from vulnerability” (p. 79). When anger becomes something we hide or weaponize, it loses its ability to serve a healthy purpose. Some people bury their anger until it eventually erupts, while others use anger to protect themselves from exposing deeper emotional pain. In both situations, the underlying issues often remain unresolved.

Healthy emotional growth begins when we become curious about our anger rather than frightened by it. Anger often serves as an internal alarm that something important deserves our attention. Instead of immediately reacting outwardly, we can pause and ask ourselves what is happening beneath the surface.

As Dodd (2015) explains, “Anger can indicate the need to stop and consider what is happening inside of us” (p. 82). This simple shift transforms anger from an enemy into a guide. Rather than viewing anger as proof that something is wrong with us, we can recognize it as an invitation to greater self-awareness.

Frequently, anger is only the visible emotion covering something more vulnerable. Hurt, disappointment, rejection, fear, loneliness, or grief may all be hidden underneath the surface. Dodd (2015) captures this well by writing, “Anger, therefore, becomes a warning signal, telling us to look inside at what fear, hurt, sadness, or loneliness we are experiencing” (p. 82). When we identify these deeper emotions, we become better equipped to respond with wisdom instead of simply reacting from frustration.

This perspective also aligns with biblical wisdom. Scripture encourages believers to acknowledge anger without allowing it to control their behavior. Ephesians 4:26 reminds us, “Be angry and do not sin” (NIV). The verse recognizes that anger itself is not inherently sinful. Rather, the challenge is choosing how we respond to it. When anger leads us toward greater honesty, healing, and dependence on God, it can become an instrument of growth instead of destruction.

Parents, pastors, and counselors often encounter people who have learned to fear their emotions. Helping others understand the purpose of anger can reduce shame and increase emotional maturity. Instead of suppressing anger or expressing it destructively, individuals can learn to listen carefully to what it reveals about unmet needs, unresolved pain, or personal boundaries that require attention.

Anger is not something to fear. It is a powerful messenger that invites us to examine our hearts with courage and honesty. When we approach anger with curiosity rather than condemnation, it can reveal hidden wounds, strengthen emotional health, and deepen our relationships with both God and others.

Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Board Certified Christian Counselor and has facilitated groups within different churches and denominations over the past 30 years. He worked as a licensed clinician for 23 years and provided supervision and training for other counselors as they worked toward independent licensure. You can read more about Floyd Godfrey PhD at www.FloydGodfrey.com.

Reference

Dodd, C. (2015). The voice of the heart: A call to full living. Sage Hill.