By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

Intimate betrayal leaves deep emotional scars, often rooted in intimacy anorexia and compounded by pornography addiction. This painful combination can leave individuals feeling isolated and disconnected, even within their marriage. Over my years of practice, I have observed how the dynamics of withholding intimacy and unresolved addiction issues can erode trust and self-worth, particularly for women.

The Impact of Intimate Betrayal
The emotional toll of intimacy anorexia is profound. As White and Milne (2017) note, “Lack of intimacy and emotional deprivation can result in a sense of isolation that can leave both partners feeling that despite being married, one is alone in the marriage” (p. 75). This sense of loneliness can drive spouses further apart, deepening the rift caused by the betrayal.

Women, in particular, may experience a loss of self as they withdraw emotionally to protect themselves. White and Milne (2017) describe this experience, explaining, “The disappearance of women’s normal type of connection with others and women withdrawing themselves from social situations also contribute to the feeling that women have lost themselves” (p. 74). Such withdrawal exacerbates the feelings of alienation and despair, further entrenching the cycle of disconnection.

Identifying Intimacy Anorexia in Your Marriage
Dr. Janice Caudill, a prominent expert on relational trauma, developed a set of questions to help individuals determine whether intimacy anorexia is present in their relationship. These include:

• Are you starved for affection in the relationship?
• Do you feel loved and appreciated, or ignored and deprived?
• Do you feel as if you are married but alone in this relationship?
• Do you feel locked out from his feelings or as if yours are unappreciated?
• Does he shift the blame to deny responsibility or avoid looking at his own issues?
• Has your spirituality and self-esteem been systematically chipped away at?
• Do you feel rejected, unwanted, or unattractive to your mate?
• Is he controlling about money?
• Does he clam up when you try to communicate about something important to you?
• Do you worry about upsetting him or feel like you “walk on eggshells” much of the time?
  (White & Milne, 2017, p. 75).

If these questions resonate, it’s essential to acknowledge the relational dynamics at play and seek professional help to address these challenges.

Seeking Help for Pornography Addiction and Intimacy Anorexia
Recovery from pornography addiction and intimacy anorexia requires an integrative approach. Therapy can help individuals and couples address the root causes of their emotional withholding and betrayal. Programs designed to foster accountability, rebuild trust, and restore emotional intimacy are vital for healing.

Support groups and educational workshops offer additional resources for those impacted by these issues. These spaces provide validation, connection, and practical strategies to overcome the cycle of betrayal and isolation. Additionally, understanding the role of spiritual and emotional renewal can empower individuals to reclaim their sense of self and rebuild the foundation of their relationships.

While the journey to healing is challenging, it is also transformative. By addressing the wounds of betrayal and actively working to restore intimacy, couples can move beyond isolation toward a stronger, more connected relationship.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.

References
White, C. P., & Milne, N. B. (2017). Love and betrayal: Stories of hope to help you heal from your husband’s pornography addiction. Cedar Fort.