By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

The Hidden Strain of Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal trauma, often stemming from infidelity or pornography addiction, manifests in profound emotional and relational struggles. Among its many consequences, intimacy anorexia—a pattern of withholding emotional, spiritual, or physical intimacy—is a critical symptom that damages partnerships. Ignoring intimacy anorexia, as White and Milne (2017) caution, can have devastating effects: “It deprives the partner the opportunity of being fully loved and of fully loving in return” (p. 76).

For the partner of an intimacy anorexic, the emotional isolation imposed by this behavior compounds the trauma of betrayal. The anorexic's avoidance creates a cycle of frustration, leaving the relationship devoid of connection and deepening the wounds already inflicted. As White and Milne observe, “The long-term consequences predispose each spouse to bitterness, resentment, the demise of the relationship, and ultimate marital dissolution” (p. 76).

Understanding Intimacy Anorexia in Context
The impact of intimacy anorexia extends beyond the relationship, influencing individual well-being. Emotional isolation, a hallmark of intimacy anorexia, has been identified by some researchers as a critical health risk. White and Milne (2017) highlight the severity of this phenomenon: “Some researchers contend that emotional isolation is a more dangerous physiological health risk than either cigarettes or high blood pressure” (p. 76). This insight underscores the pressing need for addressing intimacy anorexia not only as a relational issue but as a significant individual health concern.

Moreover, the emotional toll on the non-anorexic partner is substantial. According to Doug Weiss, as cited by White and Milne (2017), “The spouses of an intimacy anorexic could develop depression, hopelessness, lowered self-esteem, and feelings of despair” (p. 76). These symptoms highlight the profound ripple effects of intimacy anorexia, making therapeutic intervention essential.

Educational Strategies for Recovery
Healing begins with education about intimacy anorexia and its roots. Professionals like Doug Weiss emphasize that awareness of this behavior allows couples to identify harmful cycles and work toward resolution. Structured programs focusing on vulnerability, self-awareness, and emotional expression can help partners rebuild trust. These strategies empower both partners to address their emotional needs and foster healthier patterns of connection.

For therapists and coaches, integrating psychoeducation about intimacy anorexia into treatment plans is vital. By helping clients understand the dynamics of betrayal trauma and intimacy anorexia, professionals can guide them toward evidence-based recovery strategies that emphasize communication and mutual empathy.

The Role of Therapeutic Interventions
Healing from intimacy anorexia requires robust therapeutic and coaching interventions. Individual therapy, particularly for the intimacy anorexic, can uncover underlying fears of vulnerability or past traumas contributing to avoidance behaviors. Couples therapy, meanwhile, provides a safe space to address relational wounds and establish new patterns of intimacy.

Support groups and recovery communities also play a crucial role in combating isolation. By connecting with others who have experienced similar struggles, individuals gain validation and practical insights to move forward. Collaborative therapeutic efforts focusing on accountability and emotional openness can lead to profound breakthroughs in rebuilding intimacy.

The journey of healing from intimacy anorexia is challenging but attainable. With education, structured intervention, and commitment to change, couples can rediscover the deep, meaningful connection lost to betrayal trauma.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.

References
White, C. P., & Milne, N. B. (2017). Love and betrayal: Stories of hope to help you heal from your husband’s pornography addiction. Cedar Fort.