By Floyd Godfrey, PhD
Understanding the Influence of Pornography
In our digital era, children are often exposed to sexually explicit content earlier than parents expect. Whether through peer influence, accidental online encounters, or curiosity, access to pornography is more available than ever. This growing accessibility underscores the importance of initiating open, developmentally appropriate conversations with children. Experts emphasize the significance of early education to help prevent compulsive behaviors later in life. Talking to kids about pornography doesn't need to be overwhelming, but it does require intention and sensitivity.
Start Early and Keep the Conversation Ongoing
One of the most effective strategies parents can use is to begin the conversation early. Children as young as eight or nine may come across sexual images even without searching for them. Introducing the topic in age-appropriate ways helps normalize the conversation and removes shame. Use clear, non-judgmental language and focus on helping your child understand that their body, feelings, and thoughts are all part of a normal development process. Encourage them to come to you with questions rather than searching for answers online.
Frame the Topic Around Values and Identity
Rather than solely focusing on the dangers of pornography, ground the conversation in your family’s values and your child’s personal identity. Discuss how media can shape unrealistic expectations about relationships, body image, and intimacy. Highlight the value of self-respect and healthy boundaries. Patrick Carnes often emphasizes the link between personal identity and sexual behavior. Helping children understand who they are and what they believe builds resilience against external influences.
Create a Safe and Trustworthy Environment
Many children hesitate to talk to their parents about sexual topics due to fear of punishment or embarrassment. Creating a consistent, open-door policy fosters emotional safety. If a child discloses that they’ve seen pornography, respond calmly. Thank them for their honesty, ask how it made them feel, and reassure them they are not in trouble. This approach builds trust and sets a foundation for future discussions. Parents who model emotional regulation and openness make it easier for children to express themselves without shame.
Use Teachable Moments and Media Literacy
Everyday scenarios—TV shows, advertisements, or online content—can provide natural openings for meaningful dialogue. Teach children to critically analyze what they see and hear. Help them differentiate between healthy, respectful relationships and objectification or exploitation. Developing media literacy encourages self-awareness and empowers them to make informed choices.
Professional Support and Resources
Parents should never feel they must manage this conversation alone. Therapists and coaches trained in sex addiction recovery can offer guidance and support. Structured programs and educational resources provide tools for families navigating these sensitive discussions.
Empowering Families Through Connection
When families talk openly about difficult topics, they foster connection, trust, and emotional resilience. Addressing pornography with your child isn’t a one-time talk—it’s an ongoing relationship. By staying involved and emotionally available, parents create a buffer against secrecy and shame. With the right approach, children can grow up with a healthy understanding of sexuality and strong internal boundaries.
Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com
