By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

Pornography's False Depiction of Sex
Pornography has become a dominant force in shaping sexual perceptions, yet its portrayal of sex is profoundly misleading. As Tim Chester (2010) explains, "The sex in porn is not real sex. It's not how real people make love. What appears to be one continuous piece of action has actually been filmed in small chunks" (p. 17). This artificial and heavily edited version of sex creates unrealistic expectations, leading viewers to misunderstand intimacy and connection. Instead of fostering genuine relationships, pornography promotes a performance-based, detached view of sex, removing the emotional depth and vulnerability essential for real intimacy.

Radical Distortions in Sexual Expectations
Consuming pornography skews one's perception of what sexual experiences should look like. Chester (2010) further emphasizes this by stating, "So watching porn radically distorts our expectations of sex" (p. 17). Research from experts such as Doug Weiss and Mark Laaser supports this, highlighting how frequent pornography use shifts users' expectations toward hypersexualized, unrealistic scenarios that do not reflect real-world relationships. This distortion can lead to dissatisfaction in healthy relationships, as real partners and experiences may seem inadequate compared to the exaggerated portrayals in pornography.

Diminished Satisfaction in Relationships
Pornography use is directly linked to reduced satisfaction in romantic relationships. Chester (2010) notes, "There's good evidence that the more porn men watch, the less satisfied they are with their partner's looks and sexual performance" (p. 18). This phenomenon occurs because pornography conditions the brain to expect a constant stream of novelty and unattainable perfection. As a result, individuals may become less attracted to their partners, struggle with emotional intimacy, and even develop sexual dysfunctions due to a reliance on digital stimulation rather than real human connection.

The Escalation of Fantasy and Sexual Numbness
Perhaps one of the most dangerous aspects of pornography is its ability to both desensitize and intensify sexual cravings simultaneously. Chester (2010) describes this dual effect: "Porn has a double effect: dulling people's appetite for real sex while ratcheting up their appetite for more extreme fantasy sex" (p. 18). This cycle of escalating consumption mirrors patterns seen in substance addictions, where tolerance builds, and the individual requires more extreme material to experience the same level of arousal. Experts such as Don Hilton highlight how pornography alters brain chemistry, reinforcing addictive patterns and making it increasingly difficult to find fulfillment in real-life relationships.

Healing and Restoring a Healthy View of Sex
Breaking free from pornography's grip requires both education and intentional recovery strategies. Therapeutic interventions, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and support groups, can help individuals rewire their perceptions of intimacy. Coaching and therapy guided by professionals provide structured methods to address distorted sexual expectations and rebuild healthy relationships. By focusing on real connection, emotional bonding, and authentic intimacy, individuals can rediscover sex as a deeply fulfilling and meaningful experience.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.

Reference
Chester, T. (2010). Closing the window: Steps to living porn free. IVP Books.