By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

Faulty core beliefs are pivotal in understanding the development and perpetuation of sexual addiction. My clinical observations with men struggling in this area consistently reveal that deep-seated beliefs about themselves, others, and intimacy significantly influence their behaviors. These individuals often operate under a psychological framework that hinders genuine connection, leading them to mistakenly equate sexual activity with intimacy.

Faulty Core Beliefs and Their Impact

Faulty core beliefs shape an individual's self-perception and their interactions with the world. As Carnes, Delmonico, and Griffin (2001b) explain, “These core beliefs have become the anchor points of what, by our definition, is sexual addiction” (p. 41). From my work with male clients, many struggle with internal narratives that they are inherently unlovable, inadequate, or undeserving of authentic relationships. These narratives foster feelings of isolation, which in turn drive compulsive sexual behaviors.

Sexual addiction is not just about seeking pleasure—it is about coping with pain. For many men, “sex is what makes their isolation bearable” (Carnes et al., 2001b, p. 41). This misguided reliance on sexual gratification as a remedy for loneliness perpetuates their addiction. What begins as an attempt to self-soothe ultimately becomes a cycle of avoidance, disconnection, and increasing despair.

The Misconception of Intimacy

A recurring theme in my practice is the conflation of sex with intimacy. Many clients believe that sexual experiences will provide the fulfillment they crave, operating under the assumption that “sex will fill the loneliness and… make them feel good” (Carnes et al., 2001b, p. 41). However, this belief represents a fundamental misunderstanding. Sexual behaviors may offer temporary relief or distraction, but they lack the emotional depth and connection that intimacy provides.

Carnes et al. (2001b) highlight this discrepancy, stating, “They have… mistaken sex for intimacy, a true connection with another” (p. 41). Authentic intimacy requires vulnerability, trust, and emotional investment—qualities absent in the compulsive sexual activities typical of addiction. Consequently, no amount of sexual activity can satisfy the deeper emotional needs these men are seeking to address.

Breaking Free Through Therapeutic Intervention

Therapy offers a critical pathway for confronting and reshaping these faulty beliefs. By addressing the root causes of their addiction, individuals can begin to disentangle their need for intimacy from their reliance on sex. As Carnes et al. (2001b) emphasize, “What they want and need is intimacy, but what they seek instead is sex. Without intimacy, sex will never fulfill their needs, no matter how much they get” (p. 41).

Through evidence-based approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), clients can identify and challenge their core beliefs, replacing them with healthier, more constructive narratives. Therapeutic interventions also focus on building emotional resilience and fostering genuine connections with others. By developing these skills, individuals can move away from isolation and towards fulfilling relationships.

Hope for Recovery

While the journey to recovery is challenging, it is also profoundly rewarding. Men who confront their faulty core beliefs and engage in meaningful therapeutic work can experience transformative healing. They learn that genuine intimacy—not sex—is the key to addressing their emotional needs.

For counselors and therapists, understanding the role of core beliefs in sexual addiction is essential to guiding clients through recovery. By fostering awareness, empathy, and evidence-based strategies, professionals can help clients break free from the anchor points of their addiction and move towards a life of connection and fulfillment.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.

Reference

Carnes, P., Delmonico, D., & Griffin, E. (2001b). In the shadows of the net: Breaking free of compulsive online sexual behavior. Hazelden.

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