By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

When faced with intimate betrayal, such as infidelity or other relational breaches, it’s easy to question your emotions and reality. The whirlwind of pain, anger, confusion, and self-doubt might leave you feeling isolated. But let me reassure you: you are not crazy. Your responses are normal reactions to a deeply traumatic experience rooted in the very nature of human bonding and connection.

The Pain of Betrayal: It’s Not Just Emotional

The deep hurt of betrayal stems from more than just broken promises. Weiss and Buck (2022) explain that “the early stages of attachment and falling in love in a romantic relationship not only include the genetic predisposition for bonding, but it also involves a literal chemical reaction” (p. 39). This bonding process creates a profound connection, tying two people together through shared experiences, trust, and neurochemical exchanges.

When that connection is ruptured by betrayal, the resulting pain is not merely emotional but physiological and psychological. This helps to explain why betrayal feels overwhelming. The disruption in attachment can mimic trauma, destabilizing your sense of safety, self-worth, and reality.

You’re Not Alone in This

Weiss and Buck (2022) describe these betrayals as “interpersonal injuries caused by addictive behaviors, or attachment ruptures, [which] indicate that something external has broken or threatened to destroy the delicate threads of connection holding two individuals together” (p. 39). The loss of this connection can feel like losing part of yourself. It’s no wonder so many women impacted by betrayal struggle with feelings of inadequacy or even irrational guilt.

This understanding can be a beacon of clarity, helping you recognize that your intense feelings are not evidence of weakness but of the significant bond that has been damaged. As Weiss and Buck (2022) further explain, “this understanding can aid the clinician in understanding the traumatic nature of betrayal or disconnection in these relationships” (p. 39). These insights also underscore the need for compassionate, trauma-informed support to navigate your healing.

Steps Toward Healing

1. Acknowledge Your Pain: Accepting your emotions as valid is the first step. The pain of betrayal is not an overreaction; it is a human response to a profound loss.
2. Seek Knowledge: Understanding the neurochemical and psychological aspects of attachment can help demystify your experience. Knowing that your responses are rooted in biology and psychology can be empowering.
3. Find Support: Whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted loved ones, connecting with others who validate your experiences can provide immense relief. A skilled clinician who understands betrayal trauma can guide you toward reclaiming your emotional balance.
4. Rebuild at Your Own Pace: Healing takes time, and it’s okay to move forward step by step. Learning to trust again—both yourself and others—is a gradual process that should honor your boundaries.

There is hope after betrayal. The storm you’re weathering now can give way to a renewed sense of self and strength. You are not alone, and you are not broken. With time, support, and healing, it’s possible to rediscover connection and joy.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.

Reference

Weiss, Rob, & Buck, K. (2022). Practicing Prodependence: The Clinical Alternative to Codependency Treatment. Routledge.