By Dr. Floyd Godfrey

When parents discover their child is struggling with pornography, the shock can be intense and disorienting. The immediate reaction often involves confusion, disappointment, fear, or even anger. These are all understandable emotions; however, how you respond in those initial days and weeks can significantly impact your child’s long-term healing. This is not just about addressing a behavior, it’s about nurturing a relationship rooted in trust, open communication, and spiritual guidance.

As someone who has worked with families over many years, I’ve seen how crucial it is for parents to avoid shame-based responses. Too often, parents lean into shame as a motivator, believing that making their child feel bad enough about the problem will encourage them to stop. In reality, shame tends to deepen secrecy and drive the behavior further underground. It also damages the parent-child relationship, making future conversations more difficult and potentially intensifying the addiction.

As Weiss and Glaser (2021) note, “Although working through your shock and grief may take some time, you will want to learn more about your child's relationship with pornography relatively soon after you discover it” (p. 121). Early, nonjudgmental conversations are essential. This doesn’t mean you ignore the seriousness of the issue, but it does mean approaching your child with compassion and a willingness to listen.

It’s also important to manage expectations. Many parents want immediate change, especially after confronting the issue. But according to Weiss and Glaser (2021), “Depending on the severity of problem, it is reasonable to expect that your teen will not be able to just stop, even though they may insist they won't do it again” (p. 121). The process of recovery takes time. And not just a little time. “If your teen has developed a porn habit or addiction, true and lasting freedom will usually take much longer than you or they would like (think years, not months or weeks)” (Weiss & Glaser, 2021, p. 121).

Parents need to cultivate a long-term perspective that supports both accountability and grace. This involves having ongoing, age-appropriate discussions about sexuality, media, temptation, and spiritual growth. If your child knows they can talk to you, even after failure, they are far more likely to keep growing and seeking help.

In these difficult times, I believe it's vital to learn to trust God, not just with your child's problem, but also for your own wisdom and peace. You are not in this alone. God has not only entrusted this child to you, but He is also with you as you parent them through their struggles. God can provide guidance and strength, even when the path feels confusing or discouraging. And that should bring a deep sense of relief.

You are not expected to have all the answers. What your child needs most is your continued presence, love, and willingness to walk alongside them. Trust God to show you how to do that, one conversation at a time.

Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Board Certified Christian Counselor and has facilitated groups within different churches and denominations over the past 30 years. He worked as a licensed clinician for 23 years and provided supervision and training for other counselors as they worked toward independent licensure. You can read more about Floyd Godfrey PhD at www.FloydGodfrey.com.

Reference
Weiss, D., & Glaser, J. (2021). Treading boldly through a pornographic world: A field guide for parents. Salem Press.