By Dr. Floyd Godfrey
Shame is a powerful emotional experience that can shape an individual's identity from early life and well into adulthood. Often rooted in traumatic experiences, abuse, neglect, or repeated criticism, shame can become so pervasive that it forms the lens through which a person views themselves and the world. This shame-based identity leaves individuals feeling unworthy, flawed, or fundamentally broken. Forest Benedict (2016) insightfully notes, “Self-compassion is foreign to those suffering from deep shame. But, when practiced over time, it can become an avenue of powerful healing” (p. 116). For many struggling with shame, the journey to recovery begins with understanding its origins and learning new ways to relate to themselves and others.
Educational Strategies
Understanding the development of a shame-based identity is critical in beginning the healing process. Shame differs from guilt in that guilt focuses on behavior—“I did something wrong”—while shame says, “I am wrong.” This distinction plays a crucial role in how individuals internalize painful experiences. Research suggests that chronic shame is linked to early attachment wounds, experiences of rejection, or internalized messages from family systems or religious communities (Brown, 2006). Educating clients about these origins helps normalize their experience and reduce the secrecy often surrounding shame.
Psychoeducation can be particularly empowering. When individuals recognize how neural pathways reinforce shame through repetition of self-criticism and isolation, they begin to see their identity not as a fixed reality but as a malleable narrative. Therapeutic models such as Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) highlight this shift, helping clients view their shameful inner voices as protectors that once served a purpose but no longer need to dominate their identity.
The Role of Therapeutic Intervention
Therapy provides a crucial setting where individuals can begin to break free from shame’s grip. “Letting safe people see into the dark places within can be an incredibly frightening yet healing experience” (Benedict, 2016, p. 117). Therapeutic relationships create a container for vulnerability, where safety and acceptance begin to overwrite years of internalized unworthiness.
Trauma-informed interventions allow for the exploration of past wounds without re-traumatization. Techniques such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or somatic experiencing help to process embodied shame, often stored in the nervous system. Moreover, group therapy or support communities can reinforce new narratives of worthiness and provide evidence that others have faced—and overcome—similar struggles.
Benedict (2016) emphasizes, “Learning to be vulnerable, to trust others, to reach out in times of distress and pain, and to share experiences that are related to past and present shame, all play a part in recovering from a shame-based identity” (p. 117). This process, while often painful and slow, gradually dismantles the walls of self-protection and isolation that shame creates.
Integrating Healing Practices
Healing from shame requires consistent practice of self-compassion, mindfulness, and emotional regulation. These are not just techniques but daily acts of resistance against the inner critic. Encouraging clients to write letters to their younger selves, engage in affirming dialogue, or journal their victories in self-worth can gradually shift the internal narrative.
Additionally, integrating spiritual practices, creativity, and body movement helps reconnect individuals with their inherent value beyond performance or perfectionism. As clients experience self-acceptance and loving presence, their shame identity gives way to authenticity and empowerment.
Shame may have shaped the past, but it does not have to dictate the future. With education, therapeutic support, and intentional healing practices, individuals can reclaim a sense of worthiness and belonging. Recovery from a shame-based identity is not only possible—it is profoundly transformational.
Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Certified Mental Health Coach and has been guiding clients since 2000. He currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about his services please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.
References
Benedict, F. (2017). Life after lust: Stories & strategies for sex & pornography addiction recovery. Visionary Books, LLC.
