By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

Understanding Today’s Landscape

Over the past 30 years of working with families, I have witnessed a dramatic shift in how pornography infiltrates the lives of teenagers. What once required effort to access is now readily available with the tap of a screen. As technology has evolved, so has the urgency for parents to implement meaningful boundaries not just to restrict behavior, but to guide their teens toward healthy values and habits. What I’ve learned through decades of working with both parents and adolescents is this: effective boundaries are co-created, not imposed. Teens thrive when they feel heard, included, and respected in the process of decision-making.

Creating Healthy Boundaries Together

When it comes to technology use, parents often feel pressure to react quickly and clamp down hard, especially after discovering inappropriate behavior. While the instinct to protect is natural, I encourage parents to take a more thoughtful, measured approach. As Weiss and Glaser (2021) wisely state, “Setting technology rules is not something to be rushed into, even if you are in the midst of a crisis. You need time, prayer, and discussion with your spouse and child to develop rules that will be helpful without being suffocating” (p. 102).

This collaborative mindset is essential. Boundaries must be clear, but they must also be explained, discussed, and adapted to your teen’s age and maturity. In my experience, when teens understand the why behind the boundary, and when they’ve had a voice in shaping it, they are far more likely to respect and follow it. Including them in the process helps them internalize the values behind the rules, rather than seeing boundaries as arbitrary control mechanisms.

Why Boundaries Matter

Technology is not inherently harmful, but without boundaries, it can easily become a doorway to addictive and destructive behaviors. The goal of boundaries is not to eliminate technology but to define how it should be used within your family. As Weiss and Glaser (2021) explain, “Boundaries around technology actually define the way it may and may not be used in your family. Just like traffic lines on a road, boundaries work to keep everyone in their lanes and going in the right direction” (p. 101).

Teens need guidance, not rigid control. If rules are overly restrictive, your child may resort to secrecy and rebellion. On the other hand, permissiveness without accountability leaves them vulnerable to harmful influences. A middle path, built on trust, transparency, and shared values, allows your teen to feel empowered while still being protected.

The Role of Relationship and Influence

I’ve often told parents that the strength of your relationship with your teen is your most powerful parenting tool. Teens are far more likely to listen to someone they feel connected to. That connection is cultivated not through lectures, but through regular, open dialogue. Ask questions, not just about behavior, but about emotions, struggles, and beliefs. Invite their opinions. Let them know you’re not afraid of difficult conversations.

This relational approach fosters resilience. It teaches your teen that while the world may offer shortcuts to pleasure and distraction, lasting fulfillment comes through meaningful relationships and healthy choices. These lessons, learned in the safety of your home, will shape their capacity for self-regulation long after they leave your house.

Restoring Hope and Confidence

Even if your teen is already struggling, there is always hope. It is never too late to reestablish boundaries and rebuild trust. Start with small steps. Apologize if your past efforts have been heavy-handed or reactive. Then invite your child into a new way of doing things, one that includes them, listens to them, and still holds them accountable.

You don’t have to be perfect. What matters most is consistency, compassion, and a willingness to grow alongside your child. Together, you can create a safe and connected family culture that helps your teen navigate this challenging digital world with confidence and integrity.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.

References

Weiss, D., & Glaser, J. (2021). Treading boldly through a pornographic world: A field guide for parents. Salem Press.