Floyd Godfrey, PhD


Guiding Our Sons Through the Maze: Talking to Teenage Boys About Pornography

By Floyd Godfrey

In a world saturated with digital content, one of the most challenging conversations Christian fathers can have with their sons is about pornography. The internet has made access to pornographic material easier than ever, presenting unique challenges to parents aiming to navigate their children through these turbulent waters. This article aims to offer guidance on how to approach this delicate subject, debunk the false messages propagated by pornography, and suggest ways to talk to teens effectively.

Understanding the Impact

Before diving into conversations about pornography, it's crucial to understand its impact on young minds. Pornography distorts the perception of relationships, objectifies individuals, and presents an unrealistic portrayal of sex. It can affect mental health, contribute to unrealistic expectations, and hinder the development of healthy relationships. Recognizing these impacts helps fathers approach the conversation from a place of empathy and concern.

Starting the Conversation

  1. Choose the Right Moment: The talk about pornography should not be a one-time lecture but an ongoing dialogue. Start early, and choose moments that invite open conversation rather than confrontation. Car rides, hikes, or during quiet times at home can be opportune moments.
  2. Be Direct but Gentle: Use age-appropriate language and be straightforward about the subject. It’s important not to dance around the topic. Teens appreciate honesty and directness, but it's crucial to approach the conversation with sensitivity and without judgment.
  3. Educate About the False Messages: Pornography sells numerous false messages — that sex without commitment is fulfilling, that everyone is willing to engage in any sexual act, and that bodies must look a certain way to be attractive. Discuss these myths and contrast them with the truth about love, consent, and the diversity of human bodies.

Engaging in Meaningful Dialogue

  1. Listen First: Encourage your son to share his thoughts and feelings. Listening is as important as speaking. Understand his perspective and his challenges. This builds trust and opens up a space for honest discussion.
  2. Share Personal Values: As a Christian father, share the values that your faith upholds about relationships, love, and sex. Discuss how pornography's portrayal of sex is vastly different from the intimate, loving connection God intends within marriage.
  3. Provide Resources: Offer resources for learning more about the effects of pornography and how to combat its temptations. There are many Christian-based resources that offer advice on maintaining purity, understanding the value of commitment, and the importance of viewing others as God sees them.
  4. Teach Critical Thinking: Encourage your son to critically evaluate the messages he receives from all media, including pornography. Discuss the importance of questioning and analyzing these messages instead of accepting them at face value.
  5. Offer Support: Let your son know that he is not alone in facing these challenges. Assure him of your love and support, and that he can come to you with his struggles and questions. Consider setting up accountability structures, such as software monitoring or regular check-ins, as a way to provide support and guidance.
  6. Validate Him: Make sure to vocalize with your son that sexual curiosity is normal at his stage of life. He shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed about having sexual urges. Assure him the goal is about learning to manage these new urges, not to be afraid of them.


Talking to teens about pornography is not easy, but it is necessary. By approaching the conversation with honesty, empathy, and a foundation of faith-based values, Christian fathers can guide their sons through the challenges they face. It's about creating an environment where mistakes can be discussed openly, learning can take place, and the values of love, respect, and commitment are upheld. Together, we can navigate through the maze, offering our sons the wisdom and support they need to make healthy choices.

To learn more about Dr. Floyd Godfrey and his consulting and coaching services, visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com

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