By Dr. Floyd Godfrey

In her 2025 Plenary Address at the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) World Conference, Lysa TerKeurst brought clarity and spiritual insight to the often-misunderstood topic of boundaries. Speaking at the Gaylord Opryland Resort in Nashville, TerKeurst encouraged Christian leaders, counselors, and families to reconsider how boundaries reflect both the freedom and responsibility modeled by God Himself (TerKeurst, 2025). Her presentation, grounded in Scripture and lived experience, emphasized that boundaries are not just practical but also biblical.

God’s Model for Boundaries

The foundation of healthy boundaries is seen from the very beginning of creation. In the Garden of Eden, God gave Adam a clear boundary concerning the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Yet, He simultaneously affirmed Adam’s freedom: “God set boundaries with Adam in the garden, but told him he was ‘free’ to choose” (TerKeurst, 2025). This divine paradox, freedom within limits, illustrates that God’s design includes personal choice and moral responsibility.

However, Satan's distortion of this boundary reveals a deeper spiritual principle. TerKeurst noted that “God says you are ‘you must not eat, but you are free,’ but Satan twisted things and said, ‘Did he really say you could not?’” (TerKeurst, 2025). When boundaries are ignored or questioned, confusion and deception often follow. This scriptural example reminds believers that boundaries are not about control, but clarity and protection.

Boundaries Are Communicative and Consequential

TerKeurst rightly stated that “boundaries are an excellent communication tool.” They express our values, intentions, and limitations. In relationships, boundaries clarify what is acceptable and what is not, helping prevent misunderstanding and resentment. However, boundaries that lack consequences are ineffective. As TerKeurst explained, “a boundary without a consequence is nothing but a poor suggestion” (2025).

This truth is evident in both parenting and pastoral care. If a parent tells a teenager to be home by 10 p.m. but allows them to ignore the curfew without response, the boundary loses its meaning. Likewise, in ministry, if a church leader sets expectations for accountability but never follows through, disorder often arises.

Access Must Match Responsibility

A powerful metaphor shared by TerKeurst involves the role of the High Priest in the Old Testament: “God required the High Priest to be cleansed and purified before he could enter the Holy of Holies. You cannot give level 10 access to someone who only demonstrates level 3 access. When you do so, chaos ensues” (TerKeurst, 2025). This principle is profoundly relevant for personal relationships.

Not everyone should have the same level of emotional, spiritual, or relational access to us. Trust must be earned and maintained. When individuals fail to demonstrate responsibility, maturity, or respect, it is not unkind to limit their access; it is wise stewardship.

The Role of Boundaries in Healthy Relationships

“Healthy people respect healthy boundaries. Unhealthy people never like boundaries” (TerKeurst, 2025). This distinction helps believers evaluate their relationships and make godly decisions about whom to trust and how much access to allow. Boundaries are not walls of rejection; they are gates of wisdom.

TerKeurst also emphasized that “you put boundaries around yourself, to reflect the access you give to people on the outside.” This self-awareness allows individuals to honor their physical, emotional, and spiritual limitations. By setting boundaries, Christians recognize that they are not God.

“When you don’t set boundaries to reflect your human limitations, you put yourself in the position of God trying to control things. When you attempt to save someone, you may be the reason that gets in the way of God’s work” (TerKeurst, 2025). This sobering reminder helps believers step out of codependent roles and trust God's sovereignty.

Learning to Say Goodbye

Boundaries are not just about saying “no”; sometimes, they require us to say goodbye. When a person consistently violates boundaries or resists accountability, it may be necessary to step away from the relationship, at least temporarily. Saying goodbye does not mean giving up on someone; it means entrusting them to God’s care and choosing peace over chaos.

Scripture supports this approach. In Romans 12:18, Paul writes, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Peace requires participation from both parties. When that is not possible, boundaries help us protect our peace while keeping our hearts open to reconciliation, should it become possible in the future.

Conclusion

In today’s culture of blurred lines and constant demands, Christians need a biblical framework for setting boundaries. Lysa TerKeurst’s message at the AACC World Conference provides both theological depth and practical wisdom for those navigating complex relationships. Boundaries are not a betrayal of Christian love, they are an expression of it.

Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Board Certified Christian Counselor and has facilitated groups within different churches and denominations over the past 30 years. He worked as a licensed clinician for 23 years and provided supervision and training for other counselors as they worked toward independent licensure. You can read more about Floyd Godfrey PhD at www.FloydGodfrey.com.

References
TerKeurst, L. (2025, September). Proverbs 31 Ministries. AACC 2025 World Conference Plenary Session. Nashville; Gaylord Opryland Resort & Convention Center.