By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

Every father carries a story. For some, it's marked with deep joy and proud memories. For others, it's weighed down by regret—words spoken in anger, seasons of emotional distance, or decisions that led the family through rough waters. The enemy loves to use those moments to whisper shame into a father's heart, convincing him that he's failed beyond repair. But God has a different message: There is grace, there is restoration, and there is still a call to lead.

The Lingering Shadow of Shame

Shame is more than guilt over a bad choice—it's a deep sense of unworthiness. It's the voice that says, “You're not good enough to be the father your children need,” or “After all you've done, how can you lead spiritually?” These thoughts don't come from God. In fact, shame is one of the enemy's most powerful weapons to paralyze men from stepping into their God-given role as leaders and protectors of the home.

Romans 8:1 gives us a powerful reminder: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” ​When a man repents and turns to the Lord, he is not only forgiven—he is made new. Yet even after receiving God's forgiveness, many fathers struggle to forgive themselves.

Mistakes Don't Disqualify You

Throughout Scripture, we see imperfect men used by God in powerful ways. Moses murdered a man and ran away in fear—yet God called him to lead an entire nation. David committed adultery and arranged for a man's death—yet he was still called a man after God's own heart. Peter as a young man denied Christ three times—yet he became a pillar of the early church.

God is not looking for perfect fathers. He is looking for humble, surrendered men who are willing to rise after they fall. As Roman Zanoni puts it, “You must move forward with boldness and be encouraged.” Do you want your children to come to you and shake off the shame when they’ve made mistakes? Then model this yourself.

Courageous Leadership Starts with Grace

Leading your family doesn't begin with having all the answers. It begins with grace. It begins by receiving what God has already offered—and then extending that grace to yourself and your family.

Here are a few ways to begin walking in bold fatherhood, free from shame:

1. Acknowledge and repent: If you've made mistakes, own them. Don't minimize or excuse them—but don't camp in them either. God honors a repentant heart.
2. Apologize and rebuild trust: Sometimes the boldest thing a father can do is sit down with his children or spouse and say, “I was wrong. I'm sorry. I want to do better.”
3. Accept God's forgiveness: If the Lord of the universe says you are forgiven, who are you to argue? Let the cross be bigger than your failure.
4. Lead with humility: Bold leadership is not about control; it's about servanthood. Show your family what it looks like to follow Christ, even in weakness.
5. Be present: Your consistency moving forward is more powerful than the mistakes behind you. Be present at the table. Be present in prayer. Be present in their lives.

Your Family Needs Your Voice

Too many fathers disqualify themselves from leadership because of past sin or shame. But the truth is, your family needs your leadership now more than ever. They need your prayers, your protection, your example, and your encouragement. The greatest gift you can give them is not perfection—it's presence.

In Christ, you are not defined by your worst moments. You are defined by who you are in Christ. Isaiah 61:7 says, “Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance.” That's God's promise for the man who returns to Him.

Shake off the shame. Stand up in grace. And lead your family—boldly, humbly, and with confidence in the One who called you.

Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Board Certified Christian Counselor and has facilitated groups within different churches and denominations over the past 30 years. He worked as a licensed clinician for 23 years and provided supervision and training for other counselors as they worked toward independent licensing. You can read more about Floyd Godfrey PhD at www.FloydGodfrey.com