Dr. Floyd Godfrey

healing from a husband's sexual betrayal through the Holy Spirit's guidance

When a woman discovers her husband's sexual sin—whether it’s pornography, emotional infidelity, or physical adultery—it often shatters her world. For many wives, this isn’t just about broken vows; it feels like a profound betrayal of the sacred trust and emotional intimacy that marriage was built upon. It’s no wonder that numerous women experience what can only be described as trauma in the wake of this kind of revelation. They may suffer from intrusive thoughts, disrupted sleep, deep sadness, anger, and even physical symptoms of stress. It can feel like the very foundation of their life has been shaken.

This emotional turmoil is not uncommon. In fact, the sense of disorientation and instability some women face mirrors symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The woman begins to question her identity, her worth, and even her understanding of God’s role in her marriage. Many Christian wives wrestle with the tension between standing firm in faith and feeling consumed by pain.

In these fragile moments, it becomes essential to seek stability—not from circumstances or from the behavior of a husband who may be in the process of repentance, or may not be—but from the Holy Spirit. Ginger Stahl, in her book Your Husband Is Not Your Enemy, writes poignantly to wives who are navigating this spiritual and emotional wilderness. She reminds us, “Ladies, we need to be Spirit-led, to listen for that still, small voice guiding us each day” (Stahl, 2024, p. 74).

There is great wisdom in this gentle call to turn to the presence of God. While it’s natural for hurting wives to want to fix the situation or even their spouse, Stahl acknowledges this temptation: “My silly suggestions to God about how to change my husband meant I was trying to figure things out without the help of the Holy Spirit” (p. 74). A wounded heart may cry out for control or quick solutions, but healing—true, lasting healing—comes from surrendering to God’s timing and guidance.

It’s in these quiet, desperate moments that the Spirit becomes our true Comforter. As Stahl encourages, “The spirit is always present to nudge us in the right direction” (p. 74). Sometimes that nudge is toward seeking help through counseling. Sometimes it’s toward setting boundaries or practicing forgiveness. Other times, it’s simply to sit still and let God hold our heart when we feel we can’t go on.

There is no easy roadmap through betrayal, and no one-size-fits-all recovery plan. But the Holy Spirit can lead each woman personally. “He will guide you as you rely upon Him,” Stahl reminds us (2024, p. 75). The beauty of this truth is that no matter how chaotic or confusing life feels, God has not abandoned you. His Spirit is present in the storm, ready to comfort, strengthen, and speak peace over your soul.

If you are walking this painful path, know that it’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to feel angry, confused, and heartbroken. These emotions do not make you weak or unspiritual. But also know that there is a source of peace available to you, even now. The Holy Spirit longs to walk beside you, offering supernatural stability in the midst of emotional chaos. Turn to Him. Let Him carry what you can’t understand. He sees the tears you’ve cried and the prayers you’ve whispered—and He will not leave you to walk this road alone.

Reference
Stahl, G. G. H. (2024). Your husband is not your enemy – One wife’s spiritual journey. Trilogy Christian Publishers.

Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Board Certified Christian Counselor and has facilitated groups within different churches and denominations over the past 30 years. He worked as a licensed clinician for 23 years and provided supervision and training for other counselors as they worked toward independent licensure. You can read more about Floyd Godfrey PhD at www.FloydGodfrey.com.