Floyd Godfrey, PhDBy Floyd Godfrey, PhD
Over the years, my clinical work with boys struggling with pornography addiction has offered deep insights into the underlying emotional and psychological factors driving this behavior. Pornography addiction is rarely just about sexual curiosity or exploration. Instead, it often serves as a coping mechanism for boys who are overwhelmed by emotional discomfort, social challenges, and an inability to form meaningful connections with others. While this issue has been prevalent for many years, the COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns have exacerbated the problem for many young people, leaving them more isolated and disconnected than ever before.
Emotional Discomfort and Escaping through Pornography
One of the most common patterns I observe in boys addicted to pornography is their reliance on it as a way to self-soothe when faced with emotional distress. Rather than dealing with uncomfortable emotions such as anxiety, sadness, loneliness, or stress, they turn to pornography as a form of escape. The allure of pornography lies in its ability to provide instant gratification and a temporary distraction from emotional pain. For many boys, this behavior begins innocently but quickly spirals into a harmful pattern that becomes difficult to break.
In my sessions, these boys often share how pornography helps them "numb out" when they feel overwhelmed by life’s challenges. Whether it’s difficulty in school, conflicts at home, or insecurities about themselves, pornography becomes their go-to coping mechanism. However, this reliance prevents them from developing healthier ways of managing their emotions. Over time, they become more disconnected from their feelings and struggle to identify and express what’s really going on inside.
Post-COVID Social Struggles and Isolation
The pandemic has added another layer of complexity to the issue. During lockdowns, children were isolated from their peers, lost access to regular social activities, and faced increased time alone with technology. For many boys, this isolation led to heightened emotional distress and a lack of outlets to cope with the challenges they were facing. In my clinical work, I’ve seen a significant increase in boys who began or intensified their use of pornography during this period, as it provided a temporary escape from the pressures of an increasingly uncertain world.
As children returned to school and social settings, many found themselves struggling to reconnect with others. The developmental delay caused by a lack of social interaction during lockdown left many boys feeling awkward, insecure, and unsure of how to navigate friendships and relationships. Pornography became a substitute for the connection they craved but didn’t know how to attain. Social anxiety, difficulties in forming relationships, and an inability to communicate emotions left many feeling isolated—despite being surrounded by people.
Connection as the Cure
Through my clinical experience, I’ve come to believe that the real solution to pornography addiction is not just about restricting access or controlling behavior. The cure lies in fostering genuine human connection. Boys who are addicted to pornography are often yearning for emotional intimacy and closeness but are unsure how to find it. The key to recovery is helping them build meaningful connections with others—whether through friendships, family relationships, or other social supports.
In therapy, I work with these boys to help them understand the role that connection plays in their lives. We explore ways to cultivate healthy relationships where they can feel seen, heard, and valued. As they learn to engage with others in meaningful ways, their reliance on pornography as an emotional crutch begins to diminish. The emotional void that pornography once filled is replaced with genuine connection and belonging, which helps them cope with life’s challenges in a healthier, more sustainable way.
At the heart of the recovery process is the understanding that human beings are wired for connection. Boys who feel connected to others are better equipped to manage their emotions, face social challenges, and form healthy relationships. By focusing on building these connections, they can break free from the cycle of pornography addiction and find a path toward emotional well-being.
Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com.
