By Dr. Floyd Godfrey

Christian parents often carry a deep desire to guide their children toward sexual wholeness while also wrestling with their own past experiences, wounds, or confusion surrounding sexuality. In Honest Talk: A New Perspective on Talking to Your Kids About Sex, J. W. Fort presents a compelling framework for parents who want to address sexuality in a healthy, biblical, and honest way. His perspective encourages families to reclaim God’s design for sex, confront sexual brokenness, and equip children to experience a healthier future.

Fort emphasizes that pleasure within marriage is part of God’s intentional design, writing, “God made sex to be extremely pleasurable, and He does not do anything by accident. Sex is for us to enjoy within marriage” (Fort, 2019, p. 20). This truth is foundational for Christian parents because many grew up hearing only warnings about sexual sin, without ever being taught that marital intimacy is a gift from God. Scripture supports this perspective, celebrating marital intimacy as honorable and pure (Hebrews 13:4). Teaching children a biblical view of sexuality includes helping them understand not only boundaries, but also the goodness of God’s design.

At the same time, Fort acknowledges that sexual brokenness can distort a person’s experience of intimacy. He notes, “One of the forms sexual brokenness can take is to wound us in such a way that we do not enjoy sex. This was never God’s intention but a result of brokenness” (Fort, 2019, p. 20). This is a significant observation for pastors, counselors, and parents alike. Sexual wounds, whether from trauma, shame, addiction, or unhealthy teaching, can interfere with a person’s ability to experience intimacy as God intended. Addressing these realities honestly can help parents model humility and healing rather than silence and secrecy.

Fort offers hope when he writes, “Our children do not have to experience the same sexual brokenness we did” (Fort, 2019, p. 20). Many parents fear that because they struggled, their children inevitably will as well. Yet generational cycles can be interrupted when parents intentionally disciple their children with wisdom, openness, and biblical truth. Deuteronomy 6:6–7 instructs parents to teach God’s commands diligently to their children throughout everyday life. Conversations about sexuality should not be isolated to one awkward discussion but woven into ongoing discipleship.

One of Fort’s most powerful contrasts is his description of competing worldviews of sex: “The worldly view of sex is that of taking. The godly view of sex is that of giving ourselves, as Christ gave Himself for us” (Fort, 2019, p. 20). This reframes sexuality not merely as behavior to regulate, but as a reflection of Christlike self-giving love. In marriage, sexual intimacy is designed to be mutual, sacrificial, and loving, rather than selfish or exploitative. Helping children understand this distinction can protect them from cultural messages that reduce sex to personal gratification.

Fort also advocates for parental vulnerability in these conversations. He writes, “Telling our story is part of the parenting process. It is part of what ‘Honest Talk’ means. It is also particularly helpful in starting conversations about sex with older children” (Fort, 2019, p. 21). Appropriate transparency can foster trust and credibility. When parents thoughtfully share aspects of their own struggles, lessons, or mistakes, children often become more receptive to guidance because they see authenticity rather than perfectionism.

This approach is especially valuable with adolescents. Fort explains, “With older children and especially with teenagers, the very best way to broach a sensitive topic is to first convey the understanding that we know very well what the child is feeling inside. We do this by telling part of our story, that is: Something that happened when we were their age” (Fort, 2019, p. 22). Teenagers often resist lectures but respond to empathy. Sharing age-appropriate personal experiences can lower defensiveness and open the door for meaningful discussion.

Ultimately, Christian parenting around sexuality must move beyond prohibition alone. Parents are called to present a redemptive vision of sexuality, acknowledge brokenness honestly, and disciple their children toward wholeness. Fort’s work reminds us that healthy sexual discipleship begins with truth, grace, and intentional conversation. When parents speak honestly and biblically, they create opportunities for healing in their own lives and protection for the next generation.

Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Board Certified Christian Counselor and has facilitated groups within different churches and denominations over the past 30 years. He worked as a licensed clinician for 23 years and provided supervision and training for other counselors as they worked toward independent licensure. You can read more about Floyd Godfrey PhD at www.FloydGodfrey.com.

Reference

Fort, J. W. (2019). Honest talk: A new perspective on talking to your kids about sex. ADMIT HUB REF SERVICE PR.