By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

Challenging a Common Assumption
The phrase “born that way” has become a mainstream explanation for same-sex attraction (SSA), often framed as immutable and biological. However, emerging research continues to question this assumption. Notably, Dr. Lisa Diamond, a respected psychologist and self-identified lesbian, has publicly challenged this narrative. In her research, Diamond (2008) explains that sexual orientation, especially in women, can be fluid across time and context. She clarifies that the belief that people are born with one fixed sexual orientation is not empirically supported, stating that attractions can change due to relational, emotional, and developmental influences.

This perspective shifts the framework for clinicians and coaches working with individuals who experience unwanted SSA. Rather than viewing these attractions as fixed or purely biological, professionals can explore developmental histories and attachment dynamics that may shape sexual behavior and identity.

Educational Strategies
A number of clinicians and researchers have proposed that SSA can stem from a range of psychosocial influences, including early attachment disruptions, trauma, and emotional enmeshment. Dr. Donald Hilton (2010) highlights how neuroplasticity and emotional conditioning contribute to sexualized behavior patterns, particularly when individuals experience distorted or unmet attachment needs. Through repeated exposures or associations, the brain can form sexualized neural pathways in response to nonsexual emotional pain or neglect.

Educating clients about the role of neuroplasticity and attachment helps them understand how emotional injuries can become sexualized. For instance, those who felt rejected or disconnected from same-sex peers may later experience sexual attraction toward the same sex as an unconscious attempt to “repair” emotional deficits. Therapy and coaching can incorporate psychoeducation around these developmental patterns, reducing shame and empowering clients to reframe their experience.

Therapeutic and Coaching Interventions
Treatment and coaching models that address unwanted SSA often focus on resolving core wounds and unmet needs rather than attempting to “fix” or suppress sexual orientation. Authors such as Adams (2011) and Stringer (2018) have shown that unwanted sexual behavior is often driven by unresolved trauma or distorted attachment scripts. Through trauma-informed care, narrative exploration, and relational repair, clients can begin to redirect their emotional and sexual energy in ways that align with their values and goals.

Practices such as Internal Family Systems (IFS), narrative therapy, and attachment-focused interventions offer a non-shaming approach to healing. Coaching may also include support for building nonsexual, emotionally safe relationships with same-sex peers. These relationships help meet developmental needs that were never affirmed during earlier life stages, allowing clients to form a secure identity that is not driven by sexualization or unmet emotional hunger.

Redefining Sexual Identity Through Healing
The work of Diamond (2008) and others underscores that sexual orientation is not as biologically rigid as once assumed. Many individuals who experience unwanted SSA discover, through therapeutic and coaching support, that their attractions are linked to unresolved emotional or relational dynamics. As they address these underlying issues, they may find their attractions shift or diminish.

Rather than being “born that way,” these individuals are often shaped by a combination of environmental, psychological, and relational factors. This view offers both compassion and hope. Understanding the broader roots of SSA provides a pathway toward identity development that honors both emotional healing and personal agency.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com

References

Adams, K. M. (2011). Silently seduced: When parents make their children partners (20th anniversary ed.). Health Communications Inc.

Diamond, L. M. (2008). Sexual fluidity: Understanding women’s love and desire. Harvard University Press.

Hilton, D. L., Jr. (2010). He restoreth my soul: Understanding and breaking the chemical and spiritual chains of pornography addiction through the atonement of Jesus Christ. Forward Press Publishing.

Stringer, J. (2018). Unwanted: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing. NavPress.