By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

Betrayal in a committed relationship often results in deep emotional trauma, leaving the injured spouse grappling with profound feelings of pain and confusion. In my clinical work as a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist, I have witnessed the devastating effects of relational betrayal, particularly when one partner violates the trust and norms of a committed relationship. These betrayals, whether stemming from infidelity or other breaches of trust, inflict what Steffens and Means (2009) describe as "relational traumas, often called attachment injuries," where an attachment bond is betrayed, abandoned, or unsupported (p. 11).

The Nature of Betrayal Trauma
Relational trauma disrupts the foundational sense of safety and security in a relationship. According to Steffens and Means (2009), "betrayal in a committed relationship includes violating relationship norms" (p. 11). Such violations not only undermine the trust essential to attachment bonds but also trigger a cascade of emotional responses, ranging from shock and anger to despair and self-doubt.

Research indicates that individuals who experience relational trauma may respond in one of two ways: they either strive to reconnect with their partner, seeking reassurance and repair, or they retreat emotionally, erecting protective walls to safeguard themselves from further hurt (Steffens & Means, 2009, p. 11). Both responses, while rooted in survival instincts, can lead to cycles of disconnection or unhealthy relational patterns if left unaddressed.

Therapeutic Approaches for Betrayed Spouses
Supporting spouses through betrayal trauma requires a multifaceted therapeutic approach. Education plays a critical role, helping clients understand the dynamics of betrayal trauma and validating their experiences. Partners often struggle with feelings of isolation and self-blame; however, recognizing that their pain is a natural response to relational betrayal can provide significant relief.

In therapy, spouses explore their responses to betrayal, whether they lean toward reconnecting or self-protection. Both patterns are addressed with empathy, emphasizing the importance of regaining a sense of personal empowerment. Therapeutic strategies include fostering emotional regulation, rebuilding self-esteem, and identifying healthy boundaries. For many spouses, the path to healing involves reconnecting with their own values and needs, separate from the trauma inflicted by their partner's actions.

The Role of Hope in Healing
Although betrayal trauma can feel overwhelming, recovery is achievable with the right support. In my clinical practice, I have witnessed countless spouses regain their emotional balance and re-establish their sense of self-worth. Healing is a process, one that requires time, patience, and often the assistance of trained professionals.

By addressing the pain of betrayal and its underlying attachment injuries, spouses can move toward personal growth and relational clarity. This journey is not solely about rebuilding the relationship but also about reclaiming one's emotional health and resilience. As Steffens and Means (2009) highlight, the effects of betrayal can be profound, but with proper interventions, spouses can find hope and healing beyond the trauma.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com

Reference

Steffens, B., & Means, M. (2009). Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal. New Horizon Press.