By Dr. Floyd Godfrey

As boys grow from early childhood into adolescence, they undergo a unique and powerful psychological shift, one that leads them from the maternal world of nurture and connection into the paternal world of identity, masculinity, and purpose. This passage is not always easy or clearly marked, but it is vital to healthy development. According to Elium and Elium (2004), this process, often beginning between the ages of eight and ten, signifies a crucial “bridge” moment in a boy’s life. It’s a time when he needs his father or a strong male role model to help guide him into manhood.

“When he starts to crave adult male attention,” write Elium and Elium (2004), “it is time for a boy to cross the bridge between the world of the mother and the world of the father” (p. 24). This craving is not simply a longing for companionship; it is a deep psychological and developmental need. A boy begins to look to men to understand who he is and how he should live. He begins to model, mimic, and mirror male behavior. For fathers and other male mentors, this is a sacred opportunity, and one filled with both responsibility and reward.

The influence of a father or father-figure becomes especially powerful during this stage. “The boy of eight to ten will try to please his father at all costs. Even if he appears to hate his father, deep down he craves his approval” (Elium & Elium, 2004, p. 24). This quote highlights the tension many parents feel during this transitional period. Boys may act out, show frustration, or even reject their fathers, but behind this behavior often lies a strong desire for connection and validation. Fathers should not be deterred by surface-level resistance; instead, they must move toward their sons with patience, firmness, and love.

This bridge, however, is not one a boy can cross alone. “During transition a boy's biological force pushes him, and the psychological force leads him but his father must come carry him across the bridge to the other side” (Elium & Elium, 2004, p. 26). That "carrying" may involve intentional time together, mentoring, engaging in masculine tasks, or simply being emotionally available. Whether the relationship is filled with activity or more passive in nature, the boy’s identity is being shaped by what he sees and absorbs from his father.

The goal is not to reinforce stereotypes of masculinity, but rather to help boys develop strength, integrity, and confidence rooted in godly character. Scripture reminds us, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love” (1 Corinthians 16:13–14, ESV). This is the model Christian fathers and male mentors are called to embody—a masculinity that is both courageous and compassionate.

This transition also challenges mothers. As boys begin to orient more toward male influence, some mothers may feel rejected or left out. Yet this shift is not a betrayal; it is a natural and healthy part of growing up. Mothers can support this journey by encouraging their sons’ relationships with trustworthy male role models and reinforcing the importance of fatherly guidance.

“Whether their relationship is active or passive, the son soaks up from his father what it means to be a man” (Elium & Elium, 2004, p. 26). Fathers, then, are not optional in a boy’s development, they are essential. Boys need their dads to be present, intentional, and involved, not only for discipline and direction but also for affirmation and love. If a biological father is unavailable or uninvolved, uncles, grandfathers, pastors, and male youth leaders can step in to help fill this vital role.

In Christian families, this transition can also be a time to guide boys toward spiritual maturity. Teaching young men to follow Jesus, seek wisdom, and embrace biblical manhood can lay a foundation that will serve them for a lifetime. Proverbs 22:6 urges, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (ESV). For boys crossing into the world of men, training involves presence, modeling, and a vision for godly masculinity.

The bridge from mother to father is not always clearly marked, but with awareness and purpose, parents can help their sons take those crucial steps. The world needs men of honor, strength, and compassion, and it all begins with how we guide our boys.

Floyd Godfrey PhD is a Board Certified Christian Counselor and has facilitated groups within different churches and denominations over the past 30 years. He worked as a licensed clinician for 23 years and provided supervision and training for other counselors as they worked toward independent licensure. You can read more about Floyd Godfrey PhD at www.FloydGodfrey.com.

References
Elium, D., & Elium, J. (2004). Raising a son. Celestial Arts.